!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
%
-!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
-%
(1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
(2) Great generals are forewarned.
(3) Forewarned is forearmed.
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
- Plus five time eleven,
+ Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
-- Robert Benchley
%
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
- -- Publilius Syrus
+ -- Publius Syrus
%
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with
none.
%
"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but
we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."
- -- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
+ -- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a student entering
+ school in the fall after the Kent State shootings
%
Bacchus, n.:
A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
%
-"Boy, life takes a long time to live
+Boy, life takes a long time to live.
-- Steven Wright
%
Boy, n.:
perfectly balanced.
(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
-- Robert Burns
-%
- ... But among the children of the Great Society there were
-those whose skins were black. And lo! Their portion was niggardly,
-and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat ...
- Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and
-they called him King. And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my
-people go to the front of the bus."
- But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all
-deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass. When ye shall prove
-yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like
-unto a snowball in Hell."
- -- "The Begatting of a President"
%
... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed
%
Elevators smell different to midgets
%
-Emersons' Law of Contrariness:
+Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
%
below your address label. (d) Then print on your 3x5 card, above your
computer-printed name and address the words "CARTER & VAN PEEL
SWEEPSTAKES" (Use all capital letters.) (e) Finally place 3x5 card
-(without bending) into a plain envelope [NOTE: do NOT use the the
+(without bending) into a plain envelope [NOTE: do NOT use the
Official Prize Claim and CVP Perfume Reply Envelope or you may be
disqualified], and mail to: CVP, Box 1320, Westbury, NY 11595. Print
this address correctly. Comply with above instructions carefully and
%
For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
%
-For a good time, call (415) 642-9483
-%
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
cat.
%
Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.
%
Frisbeetarianism, n.:
- The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and
+ The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
%
Frobnicate, v.:
to stand, and I will drain the world.
%
"Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war."
- -- Napolean
+ -- Napoleon
%
Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
%
night!
-- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
%
-God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh
+God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
%
-God is a polythiest
+God is a polytheist.
%
God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
United States would have lost World War II."
-- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar"
%
- "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frodo in a quavering
-voice.
- "No," Said Gandalf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of
+ "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a
+quavering voice.
+ "No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of
course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which
I will not utter here. They are lines of a verse long known in
Elven-lore:
The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
+ -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
%
" I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
in any motor vehicle.
%
"In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable."
- -- Winston Curchill, of Montgomery
+ -- Winston Churchill, of Montgomery
%
In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
neighbor.
And then a step to the right.
Put your hands on your hips
And pull your knees in tight.
-It's the pelvic thrust
- That really gets you insa-a-a-a-ane
+But it's the pelvic thrust
+ That really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane!
LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
%
Magpie, n.:
- A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it
+ A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
%
Man, n.:
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks
-e is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His hief
-occupation is extermination of other animals and his own pecies, which,
-however, multiplies with such insistent apidity as to infest the whole
+he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief
+occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which,
+however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole
habitable earth and Canada.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Manual, n.:
A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a
given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the others. The
-information you need in in the others.
+information you need is in the others.
-- Ray Simard
%
Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
%
-Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat ?
+Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat ?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
%
-Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
+Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q: How long does it take?
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
%
-"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
-flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
+The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
+flexibility and power of assembly language with the readability
+of assembly language.
%
The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two;
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going
down.
%
-The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to
+The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to
eat.
-- John McNulty
%
"But a herring isn't green!" I protested.
"Paint it."
"But a herring isn't wet."
- "If its just painted its still wet."
+ "If it's just painted it's still wet."
"But -- " I sputtered, summoning all my outrage, "-- a herring
doesn't whistle!!"
"Right, " smiled my father. "I just put that in to make it
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-- Ashley Montagu
%
-The idea is to die young as late as possible.
- -- Ashley Montague
-%
The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,
where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with
love of the Fatherland."
-- Adolf Hitler
%
-There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe
-is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly
-inexplicable."
-
-There is another theory that states: "This has already happened ...."
- -- Douglas Adams, "Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
-inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
-already happened.
- -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
+inexplicable.
+
+There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
+
+ -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a
vacuum."
-- R. A. Lafferty
%
"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
- -- Winston Curchill, On formal declarations of war
+ -- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
%
When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
%
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty.
- -- Henrik Ibson
+ -- Henrik Ibsen
%
You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that,
contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from
%
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
+%
+ THE LAST BUG
+
+"But you're out of your mind," It still wasn't perfect,
+They said with a shrug. As year followed year,
+"The customer's happy; And strangers would comment,
+What's one little bug?" "Is that guy still here?"
+
+But he was determined. He died at the console,
+The others went home. Of hunger and thirst.
+He spread out the program, Next day he was buried,
+Deserted, alone. Face down, nine-edge first.
+
+The cleaning men came, And the last bug in sight,
+The whole room was cluttered An ant passing by,
+With memory-dumps, punch cards. Saluted his tombstone,
+"I'm close," he muttered. And whispered, "Nice try."
+
+The mumbling got louder,
+Simple deduction,
+"I've got it, it's right,
+Just change one instruction."
+%
+Speaking of the philosophy involved in moving humanity into space:
+
+Furniture will be a largely obsolete concept. Take for example the dresser my
+mom bought for me when I was a kid. I still have it, and by the standards of
+its era, it's an admirable household fixture. It is a massive construction of
+maple wood, expertly joined with cunningly fit pieces, fitted and glued with
+the strength of iron. It is set with massive brass fixtures, and looks today
+-- discounting the dust -- as new as the day it was purchased, a quarter
+century ago. So far, so good; a fine piece of furniture, you might say. But
+let's look at it objectively, as a machine, as an object with a purpose. Here
+sit a hundred pounds of hardwood with a compressive strength of 1500 psi,
+jointed by an expert craftsman into a rigid box that would easily support a
+bull elephant. And what is the sole purpose of this massive crate, this
+monument to a dead tree? -- it holds my socks.
+
+Not only is it blind engineering overkill of epic proportions, it is also an
+environmental disaster. The home to generations of squirrels, a sentinel post
+for falcons, an autumnal banner of golden glory, a living creature, was chopped
+down to enshrine some underwear. This, my friends, is no way to run a planet.
+ -- Marshall T. Savage, from The Millennial Project:
+ Colonizing the Galaxy -- In Eight Easy Steps
+%
+Nearly every software professional has heard the term spaghetti code as a
+pejorative description for complicated, difficult to understand, and impossible
+to maintain, software. However, many people may not know the other two
+elements of the complete Pasta Theory of Software.
+
+Lasagna code is used to describe software that has a simple, understandable,
+and layered structure. Lasagna code, although structured, is unfortunately
+monolithic and not easy to modify. An attempt to change one layer conceptually
+simple, is often very difficult in actual practice.
+
+The ideal software structure is one having components that are small and
+loosely coupled; this ideal structure is called ravioli code. In ravioli
+code, each of the components, or objects, is a package containing some meat
+or other nourishment for the system; any component can be modified or replaced
+without significantly affecting other components.
+
+We need to go beyond the condemnation of spaghetti code to the active
+encouragement of ravioli code.
+ -- Raymond J. Rubey, in a letter to the editor of Crosstalk
+ magazine
+%
+63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
+ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
+now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
git.ckatri.com / bsdgames-darwin.git / blobdiff