-There once was a couple named Kelley,
-Who lived their life belly to belly.
- Because in their haste
- They used Library Paste,
-Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
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-There once was a fiesty young terrier
-Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
- He'd yip and he'd yap,
- Then leap up and snap;
-And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
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-There once was a freshman named Lin,
-Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
- A virgin named Joan
- From a bible belt home,
-Said "This won't be much of a sin."
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-There once was a hacker named Ken
-Who inherited truckloads of Yen
- So he built him some chicks
- Of silicon chips
-And hasn't been heard from since then.
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-There once was a lady from Exeter,
-So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
- One was even so brave
- As to take out and wave
-The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
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-There once was a man named Eugene
-Who invented a screwing machine
- Concave and convex
- It served either sex
-And it played with itself in between.
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-There once was a plumber from Leigh,
-Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
- Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
- I think someone's coming!"
-Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
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-There once was a queen of Bulgaria
-Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
- Till a prince from Peru
- Who came up for a screw
-Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
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-There once was a Scot named McAmeter
-With a tool of prodigious diameter.
- It was not the size
- That cause such surprise;
-'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
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-There was a bluestocking in Florence
-Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
- Till a Spanish grandee,
- Got her off with his knee,
-And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
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-There was a gay countess of Bray,
-And you may think it odd when I say,
- That in spite of high station,
- Rank and education,
-She always spelled cunt with a "k".
-%
-There was a young fellow named Bliss
-Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
- For even with Venus
- His recalcitrant penis
-Would never do better than t
- h
- i
- s
- .
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-There was a young girl from Hong Kong
-Whose cervical cap was a gong.
- She said with a yell,
- As a shot rang her bell,
-"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"
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-There was a young girl named Sapphire
-Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
- She said, "It's a sin,
- But now that it's in,
-Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
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-There was a young girl of Angina
-Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
- From the love-making frock
- (With the proper sized cock)
-Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
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-There was a young girl of Darjeeling
-Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
- There was never a sound
- For miles around
-Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
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-There was a young lad name of Durcan
-Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
- His father said, "Durcan!
- Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
-Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
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-There was a young lady from Maine
-Who claimed she had men on her brain.
- But you knew from the view,
- As her abdomen grew,
-It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
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-There was a young lady named Clair
-Who possessed a magnificent pair;
- At least so I thought
- Till I saw one get caught
-On a thorn, and begin losing air.
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-There was a young lady named Hall,
-Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
- The dress caught on fire
- And burned her entire
-Front page, sporting section, and all.
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-There was a young lady named Twiss
-Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
- For it tickled her bum
- And caused her to come
-.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
-%
-There was a young lady of Norway
-Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
- She said to her beau
- "Just look at me Joe
-I think I've discovered one more way."
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-There was a young man from Bel-Aire
-Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
- But the banister broke
- So he doubled his stroke
-And finished her off in mid-air.
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-There was a young man named Crockett
-Whose balls got caught in a socket.
- His wife was a bitch,
- And she threw the switch,
-As Crockett went off like a rocket.
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-There was a young man of Cape Horn
-Who wished he had never been born,
- And he wouldn't have been
- If his father had seen
-That the end of the rubber was torn.
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-There was a young man of St. John's
-Who wanted to bugger the swans.
- But the loyal hall porter
- Said, "Pray take my daughter!
-Those birds are reserved for the dons."
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-There was a young whore from kaloo
-Who filled her vagina with glue.
- She said with a grin,
- "If they pay to get in,
-They can pay to get out again too!"
-%
-There was an old man of the port
-Whose prick was remarkably short.
- When he got into bed,
- The old woman said,
-"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
-%
-There was an old pirate named Bates
-Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
- He fell on his cutlass
- Which rendered him nutless
-And practically useless on dates.
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