s/ be be / be /

[bsdgames-darwin.git] / fortune / datfiles / fortunes2

diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
index 0251ab308ada6004017dfae6b103b8b575d1629f..b6643f109f71933653a46e35101675e87d97be26 100644 (file)
--- a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
+++ b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
@@ -346,23 +346,23 @@ Beware the infiniteloop
 %
                Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
 1.     Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a
 %
                Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
 1.     Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a

-               nuclear bomb, use the stairs.
+               nuclear bomb; use the stairs.

 2.     When you're flying through the air, remember to roll
                when you hit the ground.
 3.     If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
 4.     Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
                to psychological problems.
 2.     When you're flying through the air, remember to roll
                when you hit the ground.
 3.     If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
 4.     Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
                to psychological problems.

-5.     Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.   Learn to recognize
+5.     Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.  Learn to recognize

                foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
                shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
                foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
                shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.

-6.     Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze, internal organs
+6.     Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze:  internal organs

                will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
                will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.

-7.     Try to be neat, fall only in designated piles.
-8.     Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas, people could be
+7.     Try to be neat.  Fall only in designated piles.
+8.     Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas -- people could be

                staggering illegally.
                staggering illegally.

-9.     Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to one's, but more
-               sanitary due to limited circulation.
-10.    Accumulate mannequins now, spare parts will be in short
+9.     Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but are
+               more sanitary due to limited circulation.
+10.    Accumulate mannequins now.  Spare parts will be in short

                supply on D-Day.
 %
                The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance
                supply on D-Day.
 %
                The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance


@@ -519,9 +519,10 @@ Liza Minnelli.
 %
        ... with liberty and justice for all who can afford it.
 %
 %
        ... with liberty and justice for all who can afford it.
 %

-       12 + 144 + 20 + 3(4)                  2
+                          ___
+       12 + 144 + 20 + 3\/ 4                 2

        ----------------------  +  5(11)  =  9  +  0
        ----------------------  +  5(11)  =  9  +  0

-                 7
+                 7

 
 A dozen, a gross and a score,
 Plus three times the square root of four,
 
 A dozen, a gross and a score,
 Plus three times the square root of four,


@@ -787,7 +788,7 @@ to add.  This will take at least two weeks," he finally said.
        "Even that is too much to expect," insisted the manager, "I will be
 satisfied if you simply tell me when the program is complete."
        The programmer agreed to this.
        "Even that is too much to expect," insisted the manager, "I will be
 satisfied if you simply tell me when the program is complete."
        The programmer agreed to this.

-       Several years slated, the manager retired.  On the way to his
+       Several years later, the manager retired.  On the way to his

 retirement lunch, he discovered the programmer asleep at his terminal.
 He had been programming all night.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 retirement lunch, he discovered the programmer asleep at his terminal.
 He had been programming all night.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"


@@ -1802,7 +1803,7 @@ promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost
 nine.  It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."
        "Honey, wait," said Harry.  "Let me explain.  I know what I promised
 you, but I have a very good reason for being late.  Fred and I tee'd off
 nine.  It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."
        "Honey, wait," said Harry.  "Let me explain.  I know what I promised
 you, but I have a very good reason for being late.  Fred and I tee'd off

-right on time and everything was find for the first three holes.  Then, on
+right on time and everything was fine for the first three holes.  Then, on

 the fourth tee Fred had a stroke.  I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't
 find a doctor.  And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead.  So, for
 the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
 the fourth tee Fred had a stroke.  I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't
 find a doctor.  And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead.  So, for
 the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...


@@ -2209,7 +2210,7 @@ man.  Mud-as-man alone could speak.
        "Certainly," said man.
        "Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God.
        And He went away.
        "Certainly," said man.
        "Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God.
        And He went away.

-               -- Kurt Vonnegut, Between Time and Timbuktu"
+               -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Between Time and Timbuktu"

 %
        In the beginning there was data.  The data was without form and
 null, and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of
 %
        In the beginning there was data.  The data was without form and
 null, and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of


@@ -2756,7 +2757,7 @@ confirm who I am.
                -- Captain Freedom
 %
        Old Barlow was a crossing-tender at a junction where an express train
                -- Captain Freedom
 %
        Old Barlow was a crossing-tender at a junction where an express train

-demolished an automobile and it's occupants. Being the chief witness, his
+demolished an automobile and its occupants. Being the chief witness, his

 testimony was vitally important. Barlow explained that the night was dark,
 and he waved his lantern frantically, but the driver of the car paid
 no attention to the signal.
 testimony was vitally important. Barlow explained that the night was dark,
 and he waved his lantern frantically, but the driver of the car paid
 no attention to the signal.


@@ -7915,7 +7916,7 @@ the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
 A well-known friend is a treasure.
 %
 A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.
 A well-known friend is a treasure.
 %
 A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.

-A swift-flowing steam does no grow stagnant.
+A swift-flowing stream does not grow stagnant.

 Neither sound nor thoughts can travel through a vacuum.
 Software rots if not used.
 
 Neither sound nor thoughts can travel through a vacuum.
 Software rots if not used.
 


@@ -8838,7 +8839,7 @@ barely presentable.
                -- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
 %
 All Gods were immortal.
                -- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
 %
 All Gods were immortal.

-               -- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
+               -- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"

 %
 All great discoveries are made by mistake.
                -- Young
 %
 All great discoveries are made by mistake.
                -- Young


@@ -9938,13 +9939,13 @@ Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude.
 Antonio Antonio
 Was tired of living alonio
 He thought he would woo                        Antonio Antonio
 Antonio Antonio
 Was tired of living alonio
 He thought he would woo                        Antonio Antonio

-Miss Lucamy Lu,                                Rode of on his polo ponio
+Miss Lucamy Lu,                                Rode off on his polo ponio

 Miss Lucamy Lucy Molonio.              And found the maid
                                        In a bowery shade,
                                        Sitting and knitting alonio.
 Antonio Antonio
 Said if you will be my ownio
 Miss Lucamy Lucy Molonio.              And found the maid
                                        In a bowery shade,
                                        Sitting and knitting alonio.
 Antonio Antonio
 Said if you will be my ownio

-I'll love tou true                     Oh nonio Antonio
+I'll love you true                     Oh nonio Antonio

 And buy for you                                You're far too bleak and bonio
 An icery creamry conio.                        And all that I wish
                                        You singular fish
 And buy for you                                You're far too bleak and bonio
 An icery creamry conio.                        And all that I wish
                                        You singular fish


@@ -9953,7 +9954,7 @@ Antonio Antonio
 Uttered a dismal moanio
 And went off and hid
 Or I'm told that he did
 Uttered a dismal moanio
 And went off and hid
 Or I'm told that he did

-In the Antartical Zonio.
+in the Antarctical Zonio.

 %
 ANTONYM:
        The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
 %
 ANTONYM:
        The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.


@@ -11438,7 +11439,7 @@ after they got done, you wanted to be transferred here. Why?"
        "The test or the room?"
        "The tests or the room?  Vell, nah, about them I can't complain."
        "The nurses? The food?" asked Fats, but Bernard shook his head no.
        "The test or the room?"
        "The tests or the room?  Vell, nah, about them I can't complain."
        "The nurses? The food?" asked Fats, but Bernard shook his head no.

-Fats laughed and said, "Listen , Bernie, you went to the MBH, they did this
+Fats laughed and said, "Listen, Bernie, you went to the MBH, they did this

 great workup, and when I asked you shy you came to the House of God, all you
 tell me is, 'Nah, I can't complain.'  So why did you come here?  Why, Bernie,
 why?"
 great workup, and when I asked you shy you came to the House of God, all you
 tell me is, 'Nah, I can't complain.'  So why did you come here?  Why, Bernie,
 why?"


@@ -14887,7 +14888,7 @@ Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.
 Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
 %
 Don't shout for help at night.  You might wake your neighbors.
 Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
 %
 Don't shout for help at night.  You might wake your neighbors.

-               -- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
+               -- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"

 %
 Don't smoke the next cigarette.  Repeat.
 %
 %
 Don't smoke the next cigarette.  Repeat.
 %


@@ -15802,10 +15803,6 @@ question."
                [actually, the term "bug" had even earlier usage in
                regard to problems with radio hardware.  Ed.]
 %
                [actually, the term "bug" had even earlier usage in
                regard to problems with radio hardware.  Ed.]
 %

-Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain
-the last but one.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby.
 Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
 %
 Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby.
 Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
 %


@@ -21617,9 +21614,6 @@ I give you the man who -- the man who -- uh, I forgets the man who?
 I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
                -- H.L. Mencken
 %
 I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
                -- H.L. Mencken
 %

-I go the way that Providence dictates.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 "I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I
 pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?'  He
 said, 'Phoenix.'  So I pushed Phoenix.  A few seconds later the doors
 "I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I
 pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?'  He
 said, 'Phoenix.'  So I pushed Phoenix.  A few seconds later the doors


@@ -22669,12 +22663,6 @@ a little girl who won't eat her dinner or a great big man with cocaine
 in his veins.
                -- Sigmund Freud, in a letter to his fiancee
 %
 in his veins.
                -- Sigmund Freud, in a letter to his fiancee
 %

-I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether
-it is plausible or not.  The victor will not be asked afterwards whether
-he told the truth or not.  When starting and waging war it is not right
-that matters, but victory.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.
                -- graffito in Los Angeles
 
 I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.
                -- graffito in Los Angeles
 


@@ -23431,7 +23419,8 @@ them scream.
                -- Sylvestre Matuschka, "the Hungarian Train Wreck Freak",
                   escaped prison 1937, not heard from since
 %
                -- Sylvestre Matuschka, "the Hungarian Train Wreck Freak",
                   escaped prison 1937, not heard from since
 %

-Iam
+I
+am

 not
 very
 happy
 not
 very
 happy


@@ -23445,7 +23434,7 @@ intellectual
 enlightenment
 %
 IBM:
 enlightenment
 %
 IBM:

-       [Internation Business Machines Corp.]  Also known as Itty Bitty
+       [International Business Machines Corp.]  Also known as Itty Bitty

        Machines or The Lawyer's Friend.  The dominant force in computer
        marketing, having supplied worldwide some 75% of all known hardware
        and 10% of all software.  To protect itself from the litigious envy
        Machines or The Lawyer's Friend.  The dominant force in computer
        marketing, having supplied worldwide some 75% of all known hardware
        and 10% of all software.  To protect itself from the litigious envy


@@ -23725,7 +23714,7 @@ we wouldn't reach a conclusion.
 If an average person on the subway turns to you, like an ancient mariner,
 and starts telling you her tale, you turn away or nod and hope she stops,
 not just because you fear she might be crazy.  If she tells her tale on
 If an average person on the subway turns to you, like an ancient mariner,
 and starts telling you her tale, you turn away or nod and hope she stops,
 not just because you fear she might be crazy.  If she tells her tale on

-camera, you might listen.  Watching strangers on television , even
+camera, you might listen.  Watching strangers on television, even

 responding to them from a studio audience, we're disengaged - voyeurs
 collaborating with exhibitionists in rituals of sham community.  Never
 have so many known so much about people for whom they cared so little.
 responding to them from a studio audience, we're disengaged - voyeurs
 collaborating with exhibitionists in rituals of sham community.  Never
 have so many known so much about people for whom they cared so little.


@@ -24078,10 +24067,6 @@ If I love you, what business is it of yours?
 If I love you, what business is it of yours?
                -- Johann van Goethe
 %
 If I love you, what business is it of yours?
                -- Johann van Goethe
 %

-If I made peace with Russia today, I'd only attack her again tomorrow.  I
-just couldn't help myself.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 If I promised you the moon and the stars, would you believe it?
                -- Alan Parsons Project
 %
 If I promised you the moon and the stars, would you believe it?
                -- Alan Parsons Project
 %


@@ -24468,7 +24453,7 @@ the lives of both have been wasted.
 If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched,
 then this sentence would not be false.
 %
 If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched,
 then this sentence would not be false.
 %

-If the Nazi's had television with satellite technology, we'd all be
+If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be

 goose-stepping.  Americans are just as suggestible.
                -- Frank Zappa
 %
 goose-stepping.  Americans are just as suggestible.
                -- Frank Zappa
 %


@@ -25104,7 +25089,7 @@ lack sufficient imagination.
 %
 If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be
 to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to
 %
 If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be
 to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to

-say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw another party
+say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be expected to throw another party

 next year.
        What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake
        up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if
 next year.
        What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake
        up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if


@@ -25146,7 +25131,7 @@ If you want to be ruined, marry a rich woman.
                -- Michelet
 %
 If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's
                -- Michelet
 %
 If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's

-read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.
+read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.

                -- Don Marquis
 %
 If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
                -- Don Marquis
 %
 If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.


@@ -25646,11 +25631,7 @@ Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
 Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual
 way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of
 complaining.
 Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual
 way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of
 complaining.

-               -- Jeff Raskin
-%
-Imagine me going around with a pot belly.
-It would mean political ruin.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
+               -- Jef Raskin

 %
 Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer.  It has a
 150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk storage, a
 %
 Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer.  It has a
 150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk storage, a


@@ -26127,12 +26108,8 @@ this was for practice; then he made school boards.
 In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
 the proper order then why can't he?
 %
 In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
 the proper order then why can't he?
 %

-In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
-the proper order then why can't he?
-
-

 I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
 I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah

-Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
+Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda

        S-O-D-A soda
 I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
 I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
        S-O-D-A soda
 I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
 I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda


@@ -26144,7 +26121,7 @@ A guy who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green
 Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
 How he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand
        Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
 Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
 How he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand
        Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

-               -- The STAR WARS Song, to "Lola", by the Kinks
+               -- "Yoda" by "Weird Al" Yankovic, to "Lola", by the Kinks

 %
 In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.
                -- Joseph Stalin
 %
 In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.
                -- Joseph Stalin


@@ -33928,7 +33905,7 @@ the code over again, since I also removed the source.
 %
 Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
 %
 %
 Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
 %

-Old age is always fifteen years old than I am.
+Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

                -- B. Baruch
 %
 Old age is the harbor of all ills.
                -- B. Baruch
 %
 Old age is the harbor of all ills.


@@ -36569,8 +36546,8 @@ Q:      "How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
 A:     "Twelve; one to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven to self-destruct
        the ship out of disgrace."
 
 A:     "Twelve; one to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven to self-destruct
        the ship out of disgrace."
 

-       [Warning: do not tell this joke to Romulans or else be ready for
-       a fight.  They consider this it to be a disgrace, though it's
+       [Warning: do not tell this joke to Romulans unless ready for
+       a fight.  They consider it to be a disgrace, though it's

        pretty good for a LBJ.  Ed.]
 %
 Q:     How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
        pretty good for a LBJ.  Ed.]
 %
 Q:     How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?


@@ -36650,10 +36627,6 @@ A:     A dope ring.
 
 Q:     Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
 A:     To cover up the valve stem.
 
 Q:     Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
 A:     To cover up the valve stem.

-
-Q:     Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
-       puzzle in only 6 months?
-A:     Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years".

 %
 Q:     What do you call a blind pre-historic animal?
 A:     Diyathinkhesaurus.
 %
 Q:     What do you call a blind pre-historic animal?
 A:     Diyathinkhesaurus.


@@ -37382,7 +37355,7 @@ Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.
 %
 Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
 %
 %
 Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
 %

-Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
+Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.

 
 (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
 %
 
 (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
 %


@@ -37832,7 +37805,7 @@ is to take the blame for your mistakes.  If they're smart, that is.
 Retirement means that when someone says "Have a nice day", you
 actually have a shot at it.
 %
 Retirement means that when someone says "Have a nice day", you
 actually have a shot at it.
 %

-Reunite Gondwondaland!
+Reunite Gondwanaland!

 %
 Rev. Jim:      What does an amber light mean?
 Bobby:         Slow down.
 %
 Rev. Jim:      What does an amber light mean?
 Bobby:         Slow down.


@@ -38780,7 +38753,7 @@ Sex is an emotion in motion.
 %
 "Sex is as honest a product benefit for fragrance [perfume] as taste is
 for diet Coke."
 %
 "Sex is as honest a product benefit for fragrance [perfume] as taste is
 for diet Coke."

-               -- Malcolm DacDougall
+               -- Malcolm MacDougall

 %
 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
                -- Garrison Keillor
 %
 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
                -- Garrison Keillor


@@ -40275,9 +40248,6 @@ made of things.
 %
 Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
 %
 %
 Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
 %

-Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.
-               -- Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
-%

 Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
 %
 Such a fine first dream!
 Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
 %
 Such a fine first dream!


@@ -40889,9 +40859,6 @@ called you from here."
 Texas is Hell on woman and horses.
                -- Wayne Oakes
 %
 Texas is Hell on woman and horses.
                -- Wayne Oakes
 %

-Thank God I've always avoided persecuting my enemies.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
 %
 That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers.
 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
 %
 That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers.


@@ -41228,10 +41195,11 @@ The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that
 carries any reward.
                -- John Maynard Keynes
 %
 carries any reward.
                -- John Maynard Keynes
 %

-The bank called to tell me that I'm overdrawn,
-Some freaks are burning crosses out on my front lawn,
-And I *can't*believe* it, all the Cheetos are gone,
-       It's just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!
+The bank called me up and told me I'm overdrawn,
+Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn,
+And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone,
+       It's just, just one of those, one of those days,
+       Just one of those, one of those days

                -- Weird Al Yankovic, "One of Those Days"
 %
 The bank sent our statement this morning,
                -- Weird Al Yankovic, "One of Those Days"
 %
 The bank sent our statement this morning,


@@ -41461,10 +41429,6 @@ The Briggs - Chase Law of Program Development:
 %
 The British are coming!  The British are coming!
 %
 %
 The British are coming!  The British are coming!
 %

-The broad mass of a nation... will more easily
-fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.
-               -- Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
-%

 The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing
 and humiliating reality.
                -- Oscar Wilde
 The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing
 and humiliating reality.
                -- Oscar Wilde


@@ -42226,9 +42190,6 @@ I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity gave up.
 The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
                -- H.L. Mencken
 %
 The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
                -- H.L. Mencken
 %

-The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-               -- Ehrlich
-%

 The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
                -- Paul Erlich
 %
 The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
                -- Paul Erlich
 %


@@ -43973,7 +43934,7 @@ they had just discovered that he lived in New Hampshire, not Vermont.
 taken another one of those damned Vermont winters!"
 %
 THE OLD POOL SHOOTER had won many a game in his life. But now it was time
 taken another one of those damned Vermont winters!"
 %
 THE OLD POOL SHOOTER had won many a game in his life. But now it was time

-to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing go the
+to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing to the

 floor.
 
 "Sorry," he said with a smile.
 floor.
 
 "Sorry," he said with a smile.


@@ -44164,7 +44125,7 @@ is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
                -- Oscar Wilde
 %
 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
                -- Oscar Wilde
 %

-The only way to keep you health is to eat what you don't want,
+The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want,

 drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
                -- Mark Twain
 %
 drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
                -- Mark Twain
 %


@@ -44229,7 +44190,7 @@ dinner.  After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.  They
 went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
 evening.  It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew
 a picture of a four-poster bed.  He was dumbfounded, and to this day has
 went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
 evening.  It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew
 a picture of a four-poster bed.  He was dumbfounded, and to this day has

-never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
+never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.

 %
 The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
 %
 %
 The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
 %


@@ -44850,7 +44811,7 @@ The somewhat old and crusty vicar was taking a well-earned retirement from
 his rather old and crusty parish.  As is usual in these cases, a locum was
 sent to cover the transition period.  This particular man was young and
 active, and had the strange notion that church should also be active and
 his rather old and crusty parish.  As is usual in these cases, a locum was
 sent to cover the transition period.  This particular man was young and
 active, and had the strange notion that church should also be active and

-exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little dissapointed with the
+exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little disappointed with the

 dull and tradition-bound church.  He decided to do something about it.
        For his first Sunday, he didn't wear the traditional robes and
 vestments, but lead the service wearing a nice 2-piece suit.  The congregation
 dull and tradition-bound church.  He decided to do something about it.
        For his first Sunday, he didn't wear the traditional robes and
 vestments, but lead the service wearing a nice 2-piece suit.  The congregation


@@ -45393,10 +45354,6 @@ The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.
 %
 The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
 %
 %
 The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
 %

-The very first essential for success is a perpetually
-constant and regular employment of violence.
-               -- Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
-%

 The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.  Instead of
 altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their
 views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the
 The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.  Instead of
 altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their
 views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the


@@ -46276,11 +46233,6 @@ wooden toilet seats.
 
 It's called the Birch John Society.
 %
 
 It's called the Birch John Society.
 %

-There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty,
-Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the
-Fatherland.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
 what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
 and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.  There
 There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
 what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
 and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.  There


@@ -46690,7 +46642,7 @@ Whose limericks stopped at line two.
 
 There was a young man from Verdunne.
 
 
 There was a young man from Verdunne.
 

-       [Actually, there are three limericks in this series, the third one
+       [Actually, there are three limericks in this series; the third one

         is about some guy named Nero.  If anyone has a copy of it, please
         mail it to "fortune".  Ed.]
 %
         is about some guy named Nero.  If anyone has a copy of it, please
         mail it to "fortune".  Ed.]
 %


@@ -47574,10 +47526,6 @@ Thou hast seen nothing yet.
 %
 Thou shalt not omit adultery.
 %
 %
 Thou shalt not omit adultery.
 %

-Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to
-be maintained.
-               -- The Tao of Programming
-%

 Though I respect that a lot
 I'd be fired if that were my job
 After killing Jason off and
 Though I respect that a lot
 I'd be fired if that were my job
 After killing Jason off and


@@ -50846,9 +50794,6 @@ What kind of sordid business are you on now?  I mean, man, whither
 goest thou?  Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
                -- Jack Kerouac
 %
 goest thou?  Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
                -- Jack Kerouac
 %

-What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
-               -- Adolf Hitler
-%

 What makes the Universe so hard to comprehend
 is that there's nothing to compare it with.
 %
 What makes the Universe so hard to comprehend
 is that there's nothing to compare it with.
 %


@@ -51729,7 +51674,7 @@ is away and you get twice as much done.
                -- Daniel B. Luten
 %
 When smashing monuments, save the pedestals -- they always come in handy.
                -- Daniel B. Luten
 %
 When smashing monuments, save the pedestals -- they always come in handy.

-               -- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
+               -- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"

 %
 When some people decide it's time for everyone to make
 big changes, it means that they want you to change first.
 %
 When some people decide it's time for everyone to make
 big changes, it means that they want you to change first.


@@ -52065,7 +52010,7 @@ When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
 %
 When you jump for joy, beware that no-one
 moves the ground from beneath your feet.
 %
 When you jump for joy, beware that no-one
 moves the ground from beneath your feet.

-               -- Stanislaw Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
+               -- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"

 %
 When you live in a sick society,
 just about everything you do is wrong.
 %
 When you live in a sick society,
 just about everything you do is wrong.


@@ -52633,7 +52578,7 @@ pay the fiddler.
        -- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
 Why don't you fix your little problem... and light this candle?
        -- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
 Why don't you fix your little problem... and light this candle?

-               -- Alan Shepherd, the first man into space, Gemini program
+               -- Alan Shepard, the first American in space

 %
 Why, every one as they like; as the good woman said when she
 kissed her cow.
 %
 Why, every one as they like; as the good woman said when she
 kissed her cow.


@@ -53330,11 +53275,6 @@ who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty?
 %
 Would you people stop playing these stupid games?!?!?!!!!
 %
 %
 Would you people stop playing these stupid games?!?!?!!!!
 %

-Would you please have another look at my nose and put in that cocaine
-stuff....
-               -- Adolf Hitler, quoted by Dr. Giesing in Nuremberg trial
-               testimony, 1947
-%

 Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?
                -- George Carlin
 %
 Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?
                -- George Carlin
 %


@@ -55175,7 +55115,7 @@ YOUR FOAMY FUTURE
        by Miss Fortune
 
 ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
        by Miss Fortune
 
 ARIES (March 21 - April 19)

-       Matters are not good, where you health is concerned.  This Fall, be
+       Matters are not good, where your health is concerned.  This Fall, be

 sure to "walk groundly, talk profoundly, drink roundly, and sleep soundly"
 and you will live all the days of your life.
 
 sure to "walk groundly, talk profoundly, drink roundly, and sleep soundly"
 and you will live all the days of your life.
 


@@ -55388,7 +55328,7 @@ You're not Dave.  Who are you?
 You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
                -- Dean Martin
 %
 You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
                -- Dean Martin
 %

-You're reasoning is excellent -- it's
+Your reasoning is excellent -- it's

 only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
 %
 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
 only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
 %
 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.


@@ -55496,3 +55436,33 @@ since I first called my brother's father dad.
 Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
        People are always available for work in the past tense.
 %
 Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
        People are always available for work in the past tense.
 %

+Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason
+so few engage in it.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our
+banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would
+be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+We try to pay a man what he is worth and we are not inclined to
+keep a man who is not worth more than the minimum wage.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.
+       -- Henry Ford
+%
+A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he
+can invent a pleasure.  I don't want to be at the mercy of my
+emotions.  I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.
+       -- Oscar Wilde
+%