%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged
demo.
+ -- Andy Finkel, Commodore-Amiga Inc.
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Demand the establishment of the government
in its rightful home at Disneyland.
%
-Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
+Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw
%
comes from the English word "egg", meaning "egg". I don't know where
the "nog" comes from.
-To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine gin and, if they are in
+To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine, gin and, if they are in
season, eggs...
%
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
%
God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
%
-God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
+God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
-- Mark Twain
%
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite
sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in
their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or
-mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything , which is why
+mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything, which is why
they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
%
Hier liegt ein Mann ganz ohnegleich;
Im Leibe dick, an Suenden reich.
Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt, Here lies a man with sundry flaws
-Weil es uns duenkt er sei verreckt. And numerous Sins upon his head;
+Weil es uns duenkt, er sei verreckt. And numerous Sins upon his head;
We buried him today because
As far as we can tell, he's dead.
-- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty-Sue
object -- every board, washer, nail and screw -- in the entire store ...
Let's say a piece in your toilet tank breaks, so you remove the
broken part, take it to the home center, and ask an employee if he has
-a replacement. The employee, who has never is his life even seen the
+a replacement. The employee, who has never in his life even seen the
inside of a toilet tank, will peer at the broken part in very much the
same way that a member of a primitive Amazon jungle tribe would look at
an electronic calculator, and then say, "We're expecting a shipment of
Holes and the Fate of Stars"
%
I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
-questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
+questions, I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
%
If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
-you to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be be expected to throw
+you to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw
another party next year.
What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake up
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without
the supervision of a licensed engineer.
%
-In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse
+In West Union, Ohio, no married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
%
Incumbent, n.:
%
Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
immune to bullets.
- -- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
+ -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
%
Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?
information you need is in the others.
-- Ray Simard
%
-Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
+Many years ago in a period commonly known as Next Friday Afternoon,
there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he
was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how
completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday ...
%
Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
%
-Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.
+Quidquid latine dictum est, altum videtur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
%
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
%
The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes,
-respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones
-from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the
-milestones are lifted.
+respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven millstones
+from Man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the
+millstones are lifted.
-- George Bernard Shaw
%
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
the Russians.
-- Marshall Brickman, Playboy, April, 1973
%
- The STAR WARS Song
+ "Yoda", by "Weird Al" Yankovic;
Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:
I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
-Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
+Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S-O-D-A soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
-- Walt Disney
%
-There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
-Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and
-love of the Fatherland.
- -- Adolf Hitler
-%
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
%
This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
%
-This fortune cookie program out of order. For those in desperate need,
+This fortune cookie program is out of order. For those in desperate need,
please use the program "________\b\b\b\b\b\b\b\brandchar". This program generates random
characters, and, given enough time, will undoubtedly come up with
something profound. It will, however, take it no time at all to be
But you're not all there.
%
+You are not illiterate.
+ -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
+%
"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"All your papers these days look the same;
Those William's would be better unread --
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
%
"It's not very common in Crowthorne"
+%
+ 1) Don't expect fairings.
+ 2) If confused read #1.
+%
+Cheer up. You could have all the problems you have now, and then also
+be named Eustace Clarence Scrubb.
+%
+Never leave a macassar and an antimacassar in the same room together.
+%
+Why did the furry install Unix? Because it supports catman.
+%
+Many people don't realize that trailhead doggerel is illegal -- but
+surely you've heard of "hike rhymes and misdemeanors"...
+%
+We all know political bumper stickers and some of us even put them on
+our cars. However, if you show up at headquarters on Friday afternoon
+after a long campaign week, you're more likely to see a stumper
+bicker.
+%
+When you're under siege by a winter storm, that's a "frontal assault".
+%
+Somebody has mail.
+%
+'Agnosis' is when you don't know. 'Diagnosis' is when you don't know
+twice.
+%
+An assortment of ways to be assimilated is a "smorgasborg".
+%
+The Navy's forever doomed to be inefficient because it's always trying
+to do things in a sub-optimal manner.
+%
+Q. What do you do if you find an abomination rooted in and need a
+druid in a hurry?
+A. Call the copse.
+%
+A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone.
+ -- Jo Godwin
+%
+Give a man a 0day and he'll have access for a day, teach a man to phish
+and he'll have access for life.
+ -- the grugq
+%
+Information wants to be free and also extremely difficult to use.
+ -- An ancient open source proverb
+%
+I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
+ -- Mitch Hedberg
+%
+You, the Poles, have a funny nature. When the people going along the
+road are attacked by a dog with its insistent and noisy barking, you
+immediately feel like jumping off the vehicle, standing on all fours
+and starting to bark back at it. We, in the Vilnius region, let the
+dog bark because that is what its canine nature is like but we do not
+stop our journey because of its barking, and without any war
+against dogs we calmly continue our journey until we reach our
+destination. It seems that you care more about barking than the dog
+does, and more about winning the war with any lousy puppy than about
+reaching the destination quickly.
+ -- Jozef Pilsudski
+%
+[NeXT] attracted the strangest kind of hybrid, which was sort of like...
+Unix weenies by Armani.
+ -- John Perry Barlow
+%
+Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you
+and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friend, future
+events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the
+unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable. That is why you are here.
+ -- Criswell Predicts, "Plan 9 From Outer Space"
+%
+Rule 1 of cryptanalysis: check for plaintext.
+ -- Bob Morris, Crypto '95
+%
+Remember kids, the only difference between Science and screwing around is
+writing it down.
+ -- Adam Savage
+%
+ THE PURPLE COW Confession: and a Portrait, Too,
+Reflections on a Mythic Beast, Upon a Background that I Rue!
+ Who's Quite Remarkable, at Least.
+ Ah, yes! I wrote the "Purple Cow"--
+I never saw a Purple Cow; I'm sorry, now, I wrote it!
+ I never hope to see one; But I can tell you, anyhow,
+But I can tell you, anyhow, I'll kill you if you quote it!
+ I'd rather see than be one. -- Gelett Burgess
+%
+Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we
+can perform without thinking about them.
+ -- Alfred North Whitehead, An Introduction to Mathematics (1911)
+%
+I'm going to a commune in Vermont and will deal with no unit of time shorter
+than a season.
+ -- Josh Rosen
+%
+Computers for the brasses -- art for the masses.
+ -- J.C.R. Licklider
+%
+If, in your office, you as an intellectual worker were supplied with a
+computer display backed up by a computer that was alive for you all day, and
+that was instantly responsive to every action you had, how much value could
+you derive from that?
+ -- Douglas Engelbart, Fall Joint Computer Conference,
+ December 9th, 1968
+%
+They made me do it
+%
+It was the first thing that I formed a really powerful bond with.
+It was some sort of mental love missile and I just lit the touch paper and
+fired myself into it, at oblivious speed, and it exploded, and sparkled and it
+was totally beautiful.
+ -- Chris Packham and the kestrel
+%
+Austerity is the idea that the global financial crash of 2008 was caused by
+there being too many libraries in Wolverhampton.
+ -- Alexei Sayle
+%
+I wonder why. I wonder why.
+I wonder why I wonder.
+I wonder why I wonder why
+I wonder why I wonder!
+ -- Richard P. Feynman, "Always Trying to Escape"
+%
+Fanfare, n.:
+ The food available for consumption at a con.
+%
+Fail we may, sail we must
+%
+Don't shout at your JBODs, they don't like it!
+ -- Brendan Gregg, "Shouting in the Datacenter"
+%
+Bell has two patents on UNIX
+a) set-user-id bit
+b) on "typo" !
+ -- John Lions, Australian UNIX Users Group Newsletter, Oct 1978
+%
+The purpose of computing numbers is not yet in sight
+%
+Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer.
+Thereisnospacebar.
git.ckatri.com / bsdgames-darwin.git / blobdiff