Fix insure -> ensure confusion. From Jason McIntyre <jmc@kerhand.co.uk>.

[bsdgames-darwin.git] / fortune / datfiles / limerick

diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/limerick b/fortune/datfiles/limerick
index 7f8919ccecd29786bc257c6b06f29e45da033837..05c3ab781b03a723f3330cf5d336d2da32b9bc66 100644 (file)
--- a/fortune/datfiles/limerick
+++ b/fortune/datfiles/limerick
@@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
-A computer called Illiac4
-Had a rather tough bug in its core.
-       It chewed up its cards
-       And spewed yards and yards
-Of illegible tape on the floor.
+A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
+Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
+       She found a good way
+       To combine work and play:
+She sells C shells by the seashore.

 %
 A computer, to print out a fact,
 Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
 %
 A computer, to print out a fact,
 Will divide, multiply, and subtract.


@@ -11,6 +11,18 @@ Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
 If the input was short of exact.
                -- Gigo
 %
 If the input was short of exact.
                -- Gigo
 %

+A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
+And had an affair with a Saracen.
+       She was not oversexed,
+       Or jealous or vexed,
+She just wanted to make a comparison.
+%
+A dozen, a gross, and a score,
+Plus three times the square root of four,
+       Divided by seven,
+       Plus five times eleven,
+Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
+%

 A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
 Wished to foster an aura of menace;
        To make people afraid
 A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
 Wished to foster an aura of menace;
        To make people afraid


@@ -24,12 +36,24 @@ Was caught and convicted of rape.
        From which, to his woe
 He couldn't get out with ESC.
 %
        From which, to his woe
 He couldn't get out with ESC.
 %

+A limerick packs laughs anatomical
+Into space that is quite economical.
+       But the good ones I've seen
+       So seldom are clean,
+And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
+%

 A linguist thought it a farce
 That memory space was so sparse.
        One day they increased it.
        Said he as he seized it:
 "At last! Enough core for the parse".
 %
 A linguist thought it a farce
 That memory space was so sparse.
        One day they increased it.
        Said he as he seized it:
 "At last! Enough core for the parse".
 %

+A new dramatist of the absurd
+Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
+       I learn from my spies
+       He's about to devise
+An unprintable three-letter word.
+%

 A progressive professor named Winners
 Held classes each evening for sinners.
        They were graded and spaced
 A progressive professor named Winners
 Held classes each evening for sinners.
        They were graded and spaced


@@ -42,9 +66,95 @@ Found programming UNIX a hurdle
        Ran as slow as did he,
 And that's not saying much for the turtle.
 %
        Ran as slow as did he,
 And that's not saying much for the turtle.
 %

+A wonderful bird is the pelican.
+His mouth can hold more than his belican.
+       He can take in his beak
+       Enough food for a week.
+And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
+%
+Despising machines to a man,
+The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
+       And ride out by night
+       In a sheeting of white
+To lynch all the robots they can.
+               -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
+%
+Flappity, floppity, flip
+The mouse on the m"\bobius strip;
+       The strip revolved,
+       The mouse dissolved
+In a chronodimensional skip.
+%
+If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
+It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock. 
+       Or some joker who is slicker,
+       Will trick you of your liquor,
+If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
+%
+Limericks are art forms complex,
+Their topics run chiefly to sex.
+       They usually have virgins,
+       And masculine urgin's,
+And other erotic effects.
+%
+System/3!  System/3!
+See how it runs!  See how it runs!
+       Its monitor loses so totally!
+       It runs all its programs in RPG!
+       It's made by our favorite monopoly!
+System/3!
+%
+There once was a girl named Irene
+Who lived on distilled kerosene
+       But she started absorbin'
+       A new hydrocarbon
+And since then has never benzene.
+%
+There once was a member of Mensa
+Who was a most excellent fencer.
+       The sword that he used
+       Was his -- (line is refused,
+And has now been removed by the censor).
+%
+There once was an old man from Esser,
+Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
+       It at last grew so small,
+       He knew nothing at all,
+And now he's a College Professor.
+%
+There was a young lady from Hyde
+Who ate a green apple and died.
+       While her lover lamented
+       The apple fermented
+And made cider inside her inside.
+%

 There was a young lady from Niger
 Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
        They returned from the ride
        With the lady inside,
 And the smile on the face of the tiger.
 %
 There was a young lady from Niger
 Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
        They returned from the ride
        With the lady inside,
 And the smile on the face of the tiger.
 %

+There was a young man who said "God,
+I find it exceedingly odd,
+       That the willow oak tree
+       Continues to be,
+When there's no one about in the Quad."
+
+"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
+For I'm always about in the Quad;
+       And that's why the tree,
+       Continues to be,"
+Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
+%
+There was a young poet named Dan,
+Whose poetry never would scan.
+       When told this was so,
+       He said, "Yes, I know.
+It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
+%
+A computer called Illiac4
+Had a rather tough bug in its core.
+       It chewed up its cards
+       And spewed yards and yards
+Of illegible tape on the floor.
+%