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| -rw-r--r-- | fortune/datfiles/fortunes | 117 |
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diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes index eac7ca45..3179d817 100644 --- a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes +++ b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes @@ -188,13 +188,6 @@ wants to read. % A closed mouth gathers no foot. % -A computer, to print out a fact, -Will divide, multiply, and subtract. - But this output can be - No more than debris, -If the input was short of exact. - -- Gigo -% A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. % A CONS is an object which cares. @@ -213,12 +206,6 @@ damned things is ample. A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Ben Franklin % -A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison -And had an affair with a Saracen. - She was not oversexed, - Or jealous or vexed, -She just wanted to make a comparison. -% A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff @@ -257,12 +244,6 @@ architect." A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash % -A dozen, a gross, and a score, -Plus three times the square root of four, - Divided by seven, - Plus five times eleven, -Equals nine squared plus zero, no more. -% A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser. Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network @@ -381,12 +362,6 @@ A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English. % -A limerick packs laughs anatomical -Into space that is quite economical. - But the good ones I've seen - So seldom are clean, -And the clean ones so seldom are comical. -% A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis @@ -495,12 +470,6 @@ on loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?" % -A new dramatist of the absurd -Has a voice that will shortly be heard. - I learn from my spies - He's about to devise -An unprintable three-letter word. -% A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. @@ -754,22 +723,10 @@ in students. A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin % -A UNIX saleslady, Lenore, -Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more. - She found a good way - To combine work and play: -She sells C shells by the seashore. -% A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams % -A very intelligent turtle -Found programming UNIX a hurdle - The system, you see, - Ran as slow as did he, -And that's not saying much for the turtle. -% A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous. % @@ -3146,13 +3103,6 @@ Dentist, n.: coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" % -Despising machines to a man, -The Luddites joined up with the Klan, - And ride out by night - In a sheeting of white -To lynch all the robots they can. - -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson -% Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table. @@ -4079,12 +4029,6 @@ granted. If I were you, I'd walk right up and smack them in the face. Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth % -Flappity, floppity, flip -The mouse on the m"obius strip; - The strip revolved, - The mouse dissolved -In a chronodimensional skip. -% FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the .... % @@ -6955,12 +6899,6 @@ the sucker. % If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair. % -If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker, -It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock. - Or some joker who is slicker, - Will trick you of your liquor, -If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock. -% If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard % @@ -8335,12 +8273,6 @@ Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay % -Limericks are art forms complex, -Their topics run chiefly to sex. - They usually have virgins, - And masculine urgin's, -And other erotic effects. -% Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations. % Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe @@ -11858,13 +11790,6 @@ Swipple's Rule of Order: Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 % -System/3! System/3! -See how it runs! See how it runs! - Its monitor loses so totally! - It runs all its programs in RPG! - It's made by our favorite monopoly! -System/3! -% Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 @@ -13773,24 +13698,6 @@ There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. -- Mark Twain % -There once was a girl named Irene -Who lived on distilled kerosene - But she started absorbin' - A new hydrocarbon -And since then has never benzene. -% -There once was a member of Mensa -Who was a most excellent fencer. - The sword that he used - Was his -- (line is refused, -And has now been removed by the censor). -% -There once was an old man from Esser, -Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser. - It at last grew so small, - He knew nothing at all, -And now he's a College Professor. -% There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. -- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia % @@ -13806,30 +13713,6 @@ said, "Look! We're not solving anything like this! The only fair thing to do is to vote on it." So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97 votes. % -There was a young lady from Hyde -Who ate a green apple and died. - While her lover lamented - The apple fermented -And made cider inside her inside. -% -There was a young man who said "God, -I find it exceedingly odd, - That the willow oak tree - Continues to be, -When there's no one about in the Quad." - -"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd, -For I'm always about in the Quad; - And that's why the tree, - Continues to be," -Signed "Yours faithfully, God." -% -There was a young poet named Dan, -Whose poetry never would scan. - When told this was so, - He said, "Yes, I know. -It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can." -% There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him |