And covered his pants leg with pee.
%
A beautiful belle of Del Norte
-Is reckoned disdainful and haughrty
+Is reckoned disdainful and haughty
Because during the day
She says: "Boys, keep away!"
But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.
Was diddling a collie-
But I got a nice price for the pups."
%
-A broken-down harlot named Tupps
-Was heard to confess in her cups:
- "The height of my folly
- Was fucking a collie --
-But I got a nice price for the pups."
-%
-A burleyque dancer, a pip
+A burlesque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
And died of constriction
Invented a jack-off machine.
On the twenty-third stroke
The fuckin' thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
-%
-A clever young man named Eugene
-Invented a jack-off machine.
- On the twenty-third stroke
- The goddam thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
+And beat both his balls to a cream.
%
A cocksucking steno named Beeman
Remarked as she swallowed my semen :
But he found that the sophomore'd got off more.
%
A doctoral student from Buckingham
-Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
- But a dropout from paree
- Taught him Gamahuchee
-- so he added a footnote on sucking 'em.
-%
-A doctoral student from Buckingham
Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
But a dropout from paree
Taught him Gamahuchee
He labled it: son,
And filed him away on a shelf.
%
-A geneticist living in Delft
-Scientifically played with himself,
- And when he was done
- He labled it: son,
-And filed him away on a shelf.
-A gentleman, otherwise meek,
-Detested with passion the leek;
- When offered one out
- He dealt such a clout
-To the maid, she was down for a week.
- -- Edward Gorey
-%
A gentleman, otherwise meek,
Detested with passion the leek;
When offered one out
Put girls in a coma
And two gave them epileptic attacks.
%
-A graduate student named Zac
-Was said to be great in the sack.
- An inch of his boner
- Put girls in a coma
-And two gave them epileptic attacks.
-%
A greedy young lady from Sidney
Liked it in up to her kidney,
Till a man from Quebec
The poor ectoplasm
Cried, "Goodie, I feel it ... almost."
%
-A hearty young fellow named Yost
-Once had an affair with a ghost.
- At the height of the spasm
- The poor ectoplasm
-Cried, "Goodie, I feel it... almost."
-%
A hidebound young virgin named Carrie
Would say, when the fellows got hairy :
"Keep your prick in your pants
Where she stayed through the following Lent.
-- Edward Gorey
%
-A lady while dining at Crewe
-Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
- Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
- And don't wave it about,
-Or the others will all want one too."
-%
A lady, while dining in Crewe,
Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
Agnificent bottom"
And slapped it as hard as they could.
%
-A lovely young maid from St. Jude
-Once rode through the streets in the nude.
- The police cried, "Whatam--
- Agnificent bottom"
-And slapped it as hard as they cude.
-%
A lusty young maid from Seattle
Got pleasure by sleeping with cattle;
Till she found a bull
And such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
%
A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
- A curious mole
- Nosed into her hole --
-Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
- A curious mole
- Nosed into her hole --
-Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
- A curious mole
- Nosed into her hole-
-Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
Don't swallow that mess "
And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"
%
-A sweetheart named Teresa Arden
-Went down on her beau in the garden.
- He said, "Good lord, Tess,
- Don't swallow that mess!"
-And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"
-%
A systems programmer named Sprotic
Found his software intensely erotic.
In jealous distress
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
%
-A team playing baseball in Dallas
-Called the umpire blind out of malice.
- While this worthy had fits
- The team made eight hits
-And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
-%
A teenage protester named Lil
Cried, "Those watergate spies make me ill
First they bugged our martinis,
It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench,
To get the thing out of her cunt.
%
-A water pipe suited miss Hunt;
-She used it for many a bunt.
- But the unlucky wench
- Got it caught in her trench ---
-It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench,
-To get the thing out of her cunt.
-%
A weary old lecher named Blott
Took a luscious young blond to his yacht.
Too lazy to rape her,
I'll never defrost him!
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price."
%
-A wonderful bird is the pelican.
-His mouth can hold more than his belican.
- He can take in his beak
- Enough food for a week.
-And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
-%
-A wonderful bird is the pelican.
-His mouth can hold more than his belican.
- He can take in his beak
- Enough food for a week.
-I'm darned if I know how the helican.
-%
A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies,
Renowned for the length of their peenies.
The hair on their balls
Three kinds of erection-
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
%
-An architect fellow named Yoric
-Could, when feeling euphoric,
- Display for selection
- Three kinds of erection-
-Corinthian,ionic,and doric.
-%
An ardent young man named Magruder
Once wooed a girl nude in Bermuda.
She thought it quite lewd
The colour - devine,
The scent - ah, that was a failia.
%
-An artist who lived in Australia
-Once painted his ass like a Dahlia.
- The drawing was fine,
- The colour - divine,
-The scent - ah, that was a failia.
-%
An eager young hacker named Gus
Once buggered a VAX Unibus.
The hardware went bad,
And weep from a sense of unease.
-- Edward Gorey
%
-Augustus, for slpashing his soup,
-Was put for the night on the stoop;
- In the morning he'd not
- Repented a jot,
-And next day he was dead of the croup.
- -- Edward Gorey
-%
Augustus, for splashing his soup,
Was put for the night on the stoop;
In the morning he'd not
But for the seventeen years he's been dead.
-- Edward Gorey
%
-Each night Father fills me with dread
-When he sits on the foot ofmy bed;
- I'd not mind that he speaks
- In gibbers and squeaks,
-But for the seventeen years he's been dead.
- -- Edward Gorey
-%
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles
Came a bellow that echoed for miles.
Said the rector, "My gracious,
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
%
-In the garden of Eden lay Adam,
-Complacently stroking his madam
- And loud was his mirth
- For on all of the earth
-There were only two balls and he had'em.
-%
In the little French town of Le'Beau,
Lived a maiden exceedingly droll.
At a masquerade ball,
Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.
-- Morris Bishop
%
-The limerick is furtive and mean;
-You must keep her in close quarantine,
- Or she sneaks to the slums
- And promptly becomes
-Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.
- -- Morris Bishop
-%
The old archeologist, Throstle,
Discovered a marvelous fossil.
He knew from its bend
'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.
%
There once was a girl from Madras
-Who had such a beautiful ass -
- It was not round and pink
- ( as you bastards think )
-But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.
-%
-There once was a girl from Madras
Who had such a beautiful ass -
It was not round and pink
(As you bastards think)
"You're welcome to Nan."
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
%
-There once was a man from Nantucket,
-Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
- He said with a grin,
- As he wiped off his chin,
-If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!
-%
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
-"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
+"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!"
%
There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
So McGru took an oar and subduder.
%
There once was a man named McSweeny
-Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney
- So just to be couth
- He added vermouth
-And slipped his best girl a martini.
-%
-There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny.
Just to be couth,
He added vermouth,
She thought she was pregnant too soon.
%
There was a gay countess of Bray,
-And you may think it odd when I say,
- That in spite of high station,
- Rank and education,
-She always spelled cunt with a 'k'.
-%
-There was a gay countess of Bray,
And you may think it odd when I say,
That in spite of high station,
Rank and education,
When she kicked off her drawers,
But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
%
-There was a young girl named Saphire
-Who succumbed to her lovers desire.
- She said, "It's a sin,
- But now that it's in,
-Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
-%
There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
%
There was a young lady from Munich
-Who had an affair with a eunuch.
- At the height of their passion
- He dealt her a ration
-%
-There was a young lady from Munich
Who had an affair with a eunuch.
At the height of their passion
He dealt her a ration
She excelled at (so everyone says).
%
There was a young lady of Gaza
-Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
- The crabs, in a lump,
- Made tracks to her rump -
-This passing parade did amaze her.
-%
-There was a young lady of Gaza
Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
The crabs, in a lump,
Made tracks to her rump -
You can get up my bottom instead."
%
There was a young lady whose cunt
-Could accomodate a small punt.
+Could accommodate a small punt.
Her mother said, "Annie,
It matches your fanny,
Which never was that of a runt."
Whenever she farted,
And also whenever she shat.
%
-There was a young lass from Surat.
-The cheeks of her ass were so fat
- That they had to be parted
- Whenever she farted,
-And also whenever she shat.
-%
There was a young laundress named Wrangle
Whose tits tilted up at an angle.
"They may tickle my chin,"
And saw his own ass,
And broke his neck trying to fuck it.
%
-There was a young man from Nantucket
-Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
- He said with a grin,
- While wiping his chin,
-"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
-%
There was a young man from New Haven
Who had an affair with a raven.
He said with a grin
Which earned him the plaudits of all.
%
There was a young man named Crockett
-Whose balls got caught in a socket.
- His wife was a bitch
- So she threw the switch,
-And Crockett went off like a rocket.
-%
-There was a young man named Crockett
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
Yeah, she threw the switch,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know,
-It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that
- Last line that I can."
-%
-There was a young poet named Dan,
-Whose poetry never would scan.
- When told this was so,
- He said, "Yes, I know.
-It's because I try to put every single
-syllable into the last line that I possibly,
-possibly can."
+It's because I try to put every single syllable into the last line that I possibly, possibly can."
%
There was a young royal marine,
Who tried to fart "God Save the Queen".
Out came only guano
And his britches weren't fit to be seen.
%
-There was a young sailor from Brighton,
-Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
- She replied, "'Pon my soul,
- You're in the wrong hole;
-There's plenty of room in the right one."
-%
There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who said to his bird, "You're a tight'un."
She replied, "'Pon my soul,
There was an old man of St. Bees,
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
- He relied, "No, it doesn't.
-I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet."
-%
-There was an old man of St. Bees,
-Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
- When asked, "Does it hurt?"
- He relied, "No, it doesn't.
+ He replied, "No, it doesn't.
I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet."
-- W.S. Gilbert
%
"That isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
%
There was an old man of the port
-Whose prick was remarkably short.
- When he got into bed,
- The old woman said,
-"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
-%
-There was an old man of the port
Whose prick was remarkably short.
When he got into bed,
The old woman said,
Who said, "It is just what I feared!
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren
-Have all built their nests in my beard!"
+Have all built their nests in my beard!"
%
There was an old person of Ware
Who had an affair with a bear.
When a dark, bearded man from a ghetto
Slipped forward and grabbed
Her tresses and stabbed
-Her to death with a rusty stiletto.
+Her to death with a rusty stiletto.
-- Edward Gorey
%
Though his plan, when he gave her a buzz,
%
To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.
Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
- He constructed a bed
+ He constructed a bed
Out of tree trunks and said,
"Even adders can multiply on a log table."
%
%
When I was a baby, my penis
Was as white as the buttocks of Venus.
- But now 'this as red
+ But now 'tis as red
As her nipples instead--
-All because of the feminie genus!
+All because of the feminine genus!
%
When they asked a pert baggage name Alice,
Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace,
git.ckatri.com / bsdgames-darwin.git / commitdiff