Fix typos and spelos. Add and correct some attributions. Add a

couple of fortunes. Canonize quotes. Remove duplicate fortunes.
Correct author names.
Mostly from FreeBSD and OpenBSD.

1 files changed, 997 insertions, 1072 deletions

diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
index e8d58fc9..1dbfac87 100644
--- a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
+++ b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
@@ -63,6 +63,12 @@ $3,000,000
 "355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
 simulation!"
 %
+3 syncs represent the trinity -- init, the child and the eternal zombie
+process.  In doing 3, you're paying homage to each and I think such
+traditions are important in this shallow, mercurial business we find 
+ourselves in.
+		-- Jordan K. Hubbard
+%
 43rd Law of Computing:
 	Anything that can go wr
 fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
@@ -173,12 +179,12 @@ A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
 won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
 		-- Bill Vaughan
 %
-A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
+A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
 		-- Herbert Prochnow
 %
 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
 wants to read.
-		-- Mark Twain
+		-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
 %
 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
 %
@@ -283,8 +289,8 @@ elephant.
 A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
 		-- D. Gries
 %
-"A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
-dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension."
+A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
+dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension.
 		-- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature"
 %
 A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
@@ -332,27 +338,22 @@ E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
 G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
 I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
 K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
-M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
+M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of ennui.
 O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
 Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
 S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
 U is for Una  who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
-W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
+W is for Winnie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
 Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
 		-- Edward Gorey "The Gastly Crumb Tines"
 %
 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
 %
-A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide
-who has the better lawyer.
+A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
 A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
 %
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
 A lady with one of her ears applied
 To an open keyhole heard, inside,
 Two female gossips in converse free --
@@ -388,9 +389,10 @@ And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
 %
 A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
 nothing.
+		-- Alan Perlis
 %
 A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-		-- H. H. Munroe
+		-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
 %
 A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
 %
@@ -463,7 +465,23 @@ direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
 paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
 colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
 fall over gently onto their backs.
-		-- Audobon Society Magazine
+
+		-- Audubon Society Magazine
+
+
+[From the BBC, 2001-02-02:
+	For five weeks, a team from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS)
+monitored 1,000 king penguins on the island of South Georgia as Lynx
+helicopters passed overhead.
+	"Not one king penguin fell over when the helicopters came over,"
+said team leader Dr. Richard Stone.
+	"As the aircraft approached, the birds went quiet and stopped
+calling to each other, and adolescent birds that were not associated
+with nests began walking away from the noise. Pure animal instinct,
+really."
+	The conclusion, said Dr. Stone, is that flights over 305 metres
+(1,000 feet) caused "only minor and transitory ecological effects" on
+king penguins.]
 %
 	A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
 the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
@@ -527,7 +545,7 @@ A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
 %
 A penny saved is ridiculous.
 %
-A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
+A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
 %
 A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
 		-- George Wald
@@ -563,11 +581,11 @@ ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
 hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
 %
 "A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!"
-		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
+		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
 %
 A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
 
-And he answered:
+And the Master answered:
 
 It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.
 
@@ -682,7 +700,7 @@ against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the
 knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
 		-- New York Times Editorial, 1920
 %
-A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
+A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
 		-- Prof. Steiner
 %
 ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
@@ -709,6 +727,12 @@ A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
 undreamed of by its author.
 		-- S. C. Johnson
 %
+A system admin's life is a sorry one.  The only advantage he has over
+Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare.  On the
+other hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients installing
+new versions of their own innards!
+		-- Michael O'Brien
+%
 A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
 %
 A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention,
@@ -728,7 +752,7 @@ in students.
 		-- John Ciardi
 %
 "A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
-	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
+		-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
 %
 A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
 Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
@@ -752,20 +776,19 @@ getting nervous.
 A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
 people's attention.
 %
-"A witty saying proves nothing."
+A witty saying proves nothing.
 		-- Voltaire
 %
-"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
+A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
 admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
 remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
 reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
 is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
 using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
-matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
+matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times.
 		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
 %
-A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
-in God.
+A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
 %
 A.A.A.A.A.:
 	An organization for drunks who drive
@@ -775,8 +798,7 @@ You brute!  Knock before entering a ladies room!
 %
 Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
 %
-"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the
-ends."
+About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
 		-- Herbert Hoover
 %
 Absence makes the heart go wander.
@@ -807,6 +829,7 @@ because the stakes are so low.
 Accident, n.:
 	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
 body is better.
+		-- Foolish Dictionary
 %
 Accidents cause History.
 
@@ -835,17 +858,17 @@ totally worthless.
 According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never
 dies.
 %
-"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
+According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
 live in America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came
 in twenty-fifth.  Here in New York we really don't care too much.
-Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime."
+Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 Accordion, n.:
 	A bagpipe with pleats.
 %
 Accuracy, n.:
-	The vice of being right
+	The vice of being right.
 %
 			ACHTUNG!!!
 
@@ -857,15 +880,14 @@ vatch das blinkenlights!!!
 %
 Acid -- better living through chemistry.
 %
-Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality.
+Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
 %
 Acquaintance, n.:
 	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well
 enough to lend to.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from
-coughing."
+Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
 %
 Actor:	"I'm a smash hit.  Why, yesterday during the last act, I had
 	everyone glued in their seats!"
@@ -883,6 +905,7 @@ ADA, n.:
 	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
 Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
 awareness."
+		-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984
 %
 Admiration, n.:
 	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
@@ -907,7 +930,7 @@ way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
 		-- Sinclair Lewis
 %
 Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
-then at least be asceptic.
+then at least be aseptic.
 %
 After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
 names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
@@ -927,8 +950,7 @@ that it sinks like a stone.
 After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out.
 It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life
 more advanced than the lichen family.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
-		   Do"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
 %
@@ -1005,7 +1027,7 @@ unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep
 up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
 		-- A analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic
 %
-Air is water with holes in it
+Air is water with holes in it.
 %
 Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
@@ -1052,7 +1074,7 @@ All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
 without thinking.
 %
 "All flesh is grass"
-		-- Isiah
+		-- Isaiah
 Smoke a friend today.
 %
 All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
@@ -1063,7 +1085,7 @@ importance.
 All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
 by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
 %
-All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
+All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
 %
 All men are mortal.  Socrates was mortal.  Therefore, all men are
@@ -1090,7 +1112,7 @@ All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
 %
 All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of
 every organism to live beyond its income.
-		-- Samuel Butler
+		-- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
 %
 All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 		-- E. Rutherford
@@ -1099,7 +1121,7 @@ All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 hands."
 		-- Saint Patrick
 %
-All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
+All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
 %
 All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can,
 too, provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you
@@ -1143,6 +1165,7 @@ All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
 %
 All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
 fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.
+		-- Henry Tyroon
 %
 All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
 %
@@ -1244,9 +1267,9 @@ people refuse to see it.
 An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
 is always polite to traffic cops.
 %
-"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
+An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
 New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
-not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
+not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
@@ -1406,7 +1429,7 @@ tragedy face to face, we have politics.
 %
 Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes.
 Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
+		-- Bertholt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
 %
 Angels we have heard on High
 Tell us to go out and Buy.
@@ -1440,8 +1463,7 @@ Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
 television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom
 and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that
 offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher breath.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
-		   Do"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 		Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:
 
@@ -1470,9 +1492,6 @@ Corollary:
 Antonym, n.:
 	The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
 %
-Any clod can have the facts, but having an opinion is an art.
-		-- Charles McCabe
-%
 Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
 		-- Charles McCabe
 %
@@ -1499,7 +1518,7 @@ the fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
 undoubtedly true.
 		-- Solomon Short
 %
-Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
+Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
 %
 Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger
@@ -1562,8 +1581,6 @@ tried taking candy from a baby.
 %
 Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
 %
-Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
-%
 Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
 %
 Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.  The label means the
@@ -1572,7 +1589,7 @@ means the price went way up.
 %
 Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
 %
-Anything worth doing is worth overdoing
+Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
 %
 "Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution"
 %
@@ -1586,8 +1603,8 @@ APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of
 the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
 coding bums.
 %
-"APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I
-can't read any of them."
+APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I
+can't read any of them.
 		-- Roy Keir
 %
 Aquadextrous, adj.:
@@ -1610,8 +1627,6 @@ ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE --
 %
 Are you a turtle?
 %
-Are you a turtle?
-%
 "Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
@@ -1656,13 +1671,13 @@ Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
 As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
 interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick
 perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask,
-"that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...
+"that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
 		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
 %
-"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
+As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
 certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I
 became a scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can
-meet girls."
+meet girls.
 		-- Matt Cartmill
 %
 As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
@@ -1728,7 +1743,7 @@ As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
 is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
-As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free
+As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such thing as a free
 variable."
 %
 As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple
@@ -1806,10 +1821,6 @@ it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest.
 %
 At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
 challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
-		-- The Washington Post Magazine, 9 June, 1985
-%
-At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
-challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
 		-- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
 %
 ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
@@ -1836,16 +1847,15 @@ depths they were once able to plumb.
 		-- Stanley Kaufman
 %
 Automobile, n.:
-	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down
-pedestrians.
+	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
 %
 Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
 Avoid reality at all costs.
 %
-"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
-we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."
+Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
+we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
 		-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a student entering
 		   school in the fall after the Kent State shootings
 %
@@ -1865,7 +1875,7 @@ CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
 Bagdikian's Observation:
 	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American
 newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a
-ukelele.
+ukulele.
 %
 Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
 	A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
@@ -1880,8 +1890,7 @@ Banectomy, n.:
 Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
 %
 Barach's Rule:
-	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own
-physician.
+	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
 %
 Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
 floor -- especially in the dark.
@@ -1907,7 +1916,7 @@ APL is a high level anguish.
 %
 "BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'."
 %
-Basic, n.:
+BASIC, n.:
 	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases in
 that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
 %
@@ -1928,7 +1937,7 @@ face.
 %
 Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
 %
-Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
+Be careful of reading health books.  You might die of a misprint.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Be different: conform.
@@ -1936,7 +1945,7 @@ Be different: conform.
 Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so
 get used to it.
 %
-Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
+Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
 %
 Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
 miss
@@ -1961,8 +1970,7 @@ Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
 	Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
 		-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
 %
-Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's
-ego.
+Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
 %
 Begathon, n.:
 	A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
@@ -1977,8 +1985,6 @@ receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is
 already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better
 looking and richer male friend.
 %
-"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"  <huff, huff>
-%
 "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>
 %
 Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
@@ -2048,8 +2054,8 @@ It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
 planets, this may be the first message received from us.
 		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
 %
-"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
-tried it."
+Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
+tried it.
 		-- Donald Knuth
 %
 Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
@@ -2074,8 +2080,8 @@ nothing of interest is easy.
 Binary, adj.:
 	Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
 %
-"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
-thing as division."
+Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
+thing as division.
 %
 Bipolar, adj.:
 	Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo,
@@ -2085,7 +2091,7 @@ Birth, n.:
 	The first and direst of all disasters.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic
+Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
 %
 Bizoos, n.:
 	The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
@@ -2095,11 +2101,12 @@ basketball.
 ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
 %
 Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
+		-- Herbert Hoover
 %
-Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as
-Wheels.
+Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles,
+for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
 %
-BLISS is ignorance
+BLISS is ignorance.
 %
 Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
 %
@@ -2175,8 +2182,7 @@ Brace yourselves.  We're about to try something that borders on the
 unique: an actually rather serious technical book which is not only
 (gasp) vehemently anti-Solemn, but also (shudder) takes sides.  I tend
 to think of it as `Constructive Snottiness.'
-		-- Mike Padlipsky, Foreword to "Elements of Networking
-		   Style"
+		-- Mike Padlipsky, Foreword to "Elements of Networking Style"
 %
 Bradley's Bromide:
 	If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
@@ -2258,7 +2264,7 @@ living girls.
 BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal.  He's the brains of the
 	    outfit."
 GENERAL:    "What does that make YOU?"
-BULLWINKLE: "What else?  An executive..."
+BULLWINKLE: "What else?  An executive."
 		-- Jay Ward
 %
 Bumper sticker:
@@ -2284,7 +2290,7 @@ Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
 	(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
 		-- Robert Burns
 %
-... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
+	But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
 easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed
 and were a scourge to mankind.  The evidence (including confession)
 upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was
@@ -2300,7 +2306,7 @@ paws."
 %
 "But I don't like Spam!!!!"
 %
-... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
+	But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
 intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
 we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
 that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
@@ -2352,12 +2358,12 @@ ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate
 increases.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
+But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
 place to be, since I particularly want to move ahead to the kludge.
 Why do people have so much trouble understanding the kludge?  What is a
 kludge, after all, but not enough Ks, not enough ROMs, not enough RAMs,
 poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around?  Have I
-explained yet about the bytes?"
+explained yet about the bytes?
 %
 ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
 		-- Virginia Masters
@@ -2383,16 +2389,17 @@ Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
 By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
 completely overwhelm you.
 %
-"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.  In fact,
+By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.  In fact,
 it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to
-invent. (R. Emerson)"
+invent.
+		-- R. Emerson
 		-- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
 		   (whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
 		   [to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to
 		   misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"]
 %
-"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
-to suspect 'Hungry' ..."
+By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
+to suspect 'Hungry' ...
 		-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
 %
 By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
@@ -2421,7 +2428,7 @@ Cabbage, n.:
 a man's head.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."
+Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception.
 		-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
 %
 Cahn's Axiom:
@@ -2439,14 +2446,14 @@ Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or
 Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
 		-- Indian proverb
 %
-"Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
-Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."
+Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
+Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
 %
-"Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle."
+Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
 		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
 %
-"Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth
-Corner, Vermont."
+Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth
+Corner, Vermont.
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
 Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two
@@ -2461,8 +2468,7 @@ Supplement:
 %
 Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.  It's 2 cents
 for postage and 30 cents for storage.
-		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial
-		   Post
+		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post
 %
 Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
 Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
@@ -2515,11 +2521,11 @@ Cat, n.:
 	Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
 %
 Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-		-- Mark Twain
+		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
 %
 Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
 %
-CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
+CChheecckk  yyoouurr  dduupplleexx  sswwiittcchh..
 %
 Cecil, you're my final hope
 Of finding out the true Straight Dope
@@ -2565,7 +2571,8 @@ only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
 others who have tried it.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
+Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
+But it's very funny--
 	Did you ever try buying them without money?
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
@@ -2619,7 +2626,7 @@ cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup can't cure
 is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every
+Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
 effort to teach them good manners.
 %
 Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
@@ -2793,7 +2800,7 @@ Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
 of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
 		-- David Guaspari
 %
-Computer programmers do it byte by byte
+Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
 %
 Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems
 theory.
@@ -2826,8 +2833,7 @@ Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
 good for dandruff.
 		-- Peter de Vries
 %
-Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the
-situation.
+Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
 %
 Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that
 would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
@@ -2854,8 +2860,8 @@ interface devices.
 Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking
-		-- H. L. Mencken
+Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
+		-- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
 %
 Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
 %
@@ -2911,12 +2917,12 @@ Coward, n.:
 	One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with
+[Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
 nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
 		-- Wernher von Braun
 %
 Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-		-- A. E. Newman
+		-- A. E. Neuman
 %
 Critic, n.:
 	A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
@@ -2930,14 +2936,9 @@ cursor address, n:
 	"Hello, cursor!"
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
-eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-		-- Johnny Hart
-%
-"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
+Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
 eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
+business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation.
 		-- Johnny Hart
 %
 Cynic, n.:
@@ -2947,8 +2948,7 @@ out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Cynic, n.:
-	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced
-eye.
+	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
 %
 Dare to be naive.
 		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
@@ -2964,8 +2964,8 @@ Dawn, n.:
 %
 Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
 %
-%DCL-MEM-BAD, bad memory
-VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
+%DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory
+-VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
 %
 Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve.  Success is also
 easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.  Work hard to
@@ -3028,9 +3028,9 @@ Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
 %
 Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
 %
-"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".
+Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
 %
-Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
+Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
 %
 Death is only a state of mind.
 
@@ -3047,8 +3047,7 @@ overwhelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene
 language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
 judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
 addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
-		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing
-		   Assoc.
+		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc.
 %
 	Deck Us All With Boston Charlie
 
@@ -3083,6 +3082,10 @@ come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear.
 
 		-- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
 %
+Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
+	Hardware is what you kick;
+	Software is what you curse.
+%
 			DELETE A FORTUNE!
 
 Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!  Wouldn't you like
@@ -3316,8 +3319,7 @@ They used treachery.  They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.
 They used applied physics.  They used techniques of criminology.  And
 what the hell, they caught him.
 
-		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the
-		   Tick-Tock Man"
+		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"
 %
 Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
 %
@@ -3330,7 +3332,7 @@ misleading.  Debug only code.
 		-- Dave Storer
 %
 "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes
-you nothing.  It was here first."
+you nothing.  It was here first.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
@@ -3343,8 +3345,7 @@ Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
 %
 Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
 %
-Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking
-distance.
+Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
 %
 Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
 %
@@ -3353,7 +3354,7 @@ Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
 Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy
 it today you can do it again tomorrow.
 %
-"Don't say yes until I finish talking."
+Don't say yes until I finish talking.
 		-- Darryl F. Zanuck
 %
 Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
@@ -3377,8 +3378,8 @@ Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
 avoiding you.
 		-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
 %
-"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any
-good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
+Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any
+good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
 		-- Howard Aiken
 %
 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already
@@ -3390,7 +3391,7 @@ busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
 %
 Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
 %
-Don:    I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!  Was she
+Don Ameche: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!  Was she
 	pretty?
 W. C.:  Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of
 	bad road.  She had so many gold teeth, Don, she use to have to
@@ -3411,6 +3412,10 @@ Control and Meta side by side,
 Augmented ASCII, nine bits wide!
 	Double bucky, a half a thousand glyphs, plus a few!
 
+Oh, I sure wish that I,
+Had a couple of bits more!
+Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four.   
+
 Double bucky, left and right
 OR'd together, outta sight!
 	Double bucky, I'd like a whole word of
@@ -3418,15 +3423,18 @@ OR'd together, outta sight!
 	Double bucky, I'd like a whole word of you!
 
 		-- (C) 1978 by Guy L. Steele, Jr.
+		(to Nicholas Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit
+		be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use
+		by screen editors.  [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"])
 %
 Double-Blind Experiment, n.:
 	An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
 fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied by a
-belief in the tooth fairy.
+strong belief in the tooth fairy.
 %
 Down with categorical imperative!
 %
-"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."
+Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
 %
 Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
 	The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
@@ -3436,8 +3444,7 @@ Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
 %
 Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
 %
-Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic
-route!
+Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
 %
 Ducharme's Axiom:
 	If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
@@ -3447,7 +3454,7 @@ Ducharme's Precept:
 	Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
 %
 Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and
-it holds the universe together ...
+it holds the universe together.
 		-- Carl Zwanzig
 %
 Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
@@ -3469,9 +3476,9 @@ shot at mine, over there."
 During the next two hours, the system will be going up and down several
 times, often with lin~po_~{po       ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po	 ~y oodsou>#w4k**n~po_~{ol;lkld;f;g;dd;po\~{o
 %
-"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  And my advice to you is to have
-nothing whatever to do with it."
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
+Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  And my advice to you is to have
+nothing whatever to do with it.
+		-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
 %
 E Pluribus Unix
 %
@@ -3486,7 +3493,7 @@ Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
 %
 Earth is a beta site.
 %
-"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
+Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
 		-- Jeff Berner
 %
 Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
@@ -3563,6 +3570,17 @@ What is it for?
 
 All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
 All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
+
+Hacker MacKensie
+Writing the code for a program that no one will run
+It's nearly done 
+Look at him working, fixing the bugs in the night when there's nobody there.
+What does he care?
+
+All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
+All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
+Ah, look at all the lonely users.
+Ah, look at all the lonely users.
 %
 Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
 %
@@ -3583,7 +3601,7 @@ harmful electron buildup in the wires.
 Electrocution, n.:
 	Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
 %
-Elevators smell different to midgets
+Elevators smell different to midgets.
 %
 Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
 	Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
@@ -3616,7 +3634,7 @@ Es brilig war.  Die schlichte Toven
 	Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
 Und aller-m"umsige Burggoven
 	Dir mohmen R"ath ausgraben.
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
 		-- Woody Allen
@@ -3632,11 +3650,10 @@ Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
 speak it to?
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
-"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
-there."
+Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral."
+Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
@@ -3644,7 +3661,7 @@ States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a
 day.
 %
 Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you
-just how busy they are.
+just how busy they are?
 %
 Ever since prehistoric times, wise men have tried to understand what,
 exactly, make people laugh.  That's why they were called "wise men."
@@ -3662,11 +3679,11 @@ Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
 Every four seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem is to find this
 woman and stop her.
 %
-"Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one
+Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one
 idiot.  Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained.  It's
 sometimes hard to remember this in the bulk of the flamewars that all
 of the hassle and pain is generally caused by one or two
-highly-motivated, caustic twits."
+highly-motivated, caustic twits.
 		-- Chuq Von Rospach, about Usenet
 %
 Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
@@ -3702,8 +3719,8 @@ Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
 Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
-"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
-richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work"
+Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
+richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work.
 		-- Robert Orben
 %
 Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
@@ -3761,6 +3778,11 @@ Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
 that a belch is more satisfying.
 		-- Ingmar Bergman
 %
+Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about
+something you know.
+		-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
+		   June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
+%
 Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
 %
 Everything you know is wrong!
@@ -3780,7 +3802,7 @@ how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
 So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
 		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
 %
-Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike office water cooler.
+Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike the office water cooler.
 %
 Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
 %
@@ -3798,7 +3820,7 @@ Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
 the work.
 		-- John G. Pollard
 %
-Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
+Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
 %
 Expense Accounts, n.:
 	Corporate food stamps.
@@ -3808,7 +3830,7 @@ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 %
 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
 when you make it again.
-		-- F. P. Jones
+		-- Franklin P. Jones
 %
 Experience is the worst teacher.  It always gives the test first and
 the instruction afterward.
@@ -3871,7 +3893,7 @@ Fakir, n:
 religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to
 have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
 %
-Familiarity breeds attempt
+Familiarity breeds attempt.
 %
 Families, when a child is born
 Want it to be intelligent.
@@ -3899,6 +3921,7 @@ Famous last words:
 	(5) It's always sunny there this time of the year.
 	(6) Don't worry, it's not loaded.
 	(7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
+	(8) Don't worry!  Women love it!
 %
 Famous, adj.:
 	Conspicuously miserable.
@@ -3909,14 +3932,14 @@ Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
 Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
 utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
 forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
-are a pretty neat idea ...
+are a pretty neat idea.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
 every six months.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-Fats Loves Madelyn
+Fats Loves Madelyn.
 %
 Feel disillusioned?  I've got some great new illusions ...
 %
@@ -3948,8 +3971,7 @@ Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
 	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
 
 Corollary:
-	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you
-live.
+	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
 %
 Fifth Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
@@ -3985,7 +4007,7 @@ Finagle's Creed:
 Finagle's First Law:
 	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
 %
-Finagle's fourth Law:
+Finagle's Fourth Law:
 	Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
 it worse.
 %
@@ -3996,7 +4018,7 @@ happened according to his own pet theory.
 %
 Finagle's Third Law:
 	In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
-	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake
+	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
 
 Corollaries:
 	(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
@@ -4130,7 +4152,7 @@ For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
 For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
 cat.
 %
-"For an adequate time call 555-3321"
+For an adequate time call 555-3321.
 %
 For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be
 always old-fashioned.
@@ -4175,17 +4197,16 @@ For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
 %
 For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
 %
-"For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
+For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
 a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the last step of doing away with
-computers altogether?"
+computers altogether?
 		-- Jehan Shuman
 %
-For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they
-like.
+For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
 		-- Abraham Lincoln
 %
-"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
-phone calls taper off."
+For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
+phone calls taper off.
 		-- Johnny Carson
 %
 For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
@@ -4326,7 +4347,7 @@ A:  No.
 %
 fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
 %
-Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samuri
+Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
 sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
 
 Oh, and have a nice day!
@@ -4482,7 +4503,7 @@ stockings and desolating the country.
 %
 Gauls!  We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall
 on our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
-		-- Adventures of Asterix.
+		-- Adventures of Asterix
 %
 Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep".
 
@@ -4643,10 +4664,8 @@ Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
 	Theorem.  To wit:
 
 	(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
-	(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break
-	    even.
-	(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the
-	    game.
+	(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
+	(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
 %
 Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
 to stand, and I will drain the world.
@@ -4661,8 +4680,8 @@ a new town.
 %
 Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
 %
-"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
-around, I'd rather lie around.  No contest."
+Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
+around, I'd rather lie around.  No contest.
 		-- Eric Clapton
 %
 Giving up on assembly language was the apple in our Garden of Eden:
@@ -4786,7 +4805,7 @@ hasn't done anything to them.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
 Goldenstern's Rules:
-	(1) Always hire a rich attorney
+	(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
 	(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
 %
 Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
@@ -4810,7 +4829,7 @@ Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
 Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
 new lover.
 %
-"Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored."
+Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
 		-- George Saunders' dying words
 %
 Gordon's first law:
@@ -4822,7 +4841,7 @@ time travel, you never can tell."
 		-- Doctor Who "Androids of Tara"
 %
 Got Mole problems?
-Call Avogardo 6.02 x 10^23
+Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
 %
 Goto, n.:
 	A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
@@ -4850,7 +4869,7 @@ Graduate life: It's not just a job.  It's an indenture.
 Grandpa Charnock's Law:
 	You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
 %
-Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
+Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
 %
 Gray's Law of Programming:
 	`_n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
@@ -4871,8 +4890,8 @@ mistakes, in later years President Harding carried on his affairs in a
 tiny closet in the White House Cabinet Room while Secret Service men
 stood lookout.
 %
-Green light in a.m. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for traffic
-tickets.
+Green light in A.M. for new projects.
+Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
 %
 Greener's Law:
 	Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
@@ -4881,8 +4900,8 @@ Grelb's Reminder:
 	Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
 average drivers.
 %
-"Grub first, then ethics."
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
+Grub first, then ethics.
+		-- Bertholt Brecht
 %
 Gurmlish, n.:
 	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
@@ -4923,7 +4942,7 @@ nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
 %
 Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
 %
-... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
+Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
 and you would not have been informed.
 %
 Hail to the sun god
@@ -5065,8 +5084,6 @@ superiority.
 %
 Have an adequate day.
 %
-Have an adequate day.
-%
 Have people realized that the purpose of the fortune cookie program is
 to defuse project tensions?  When did you ever see a cheerful cookie, a
 non-cynical, or even an informative cookie?
@@ -5103,12 +5120,13 @@ sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
 %
 Have you reconsidered a computer career?
 %
-"He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
+He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
 effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable
-perversion."
+perversion.
 		-- Mick Farren, "When Gravity Fails"
 %
-"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions"
+He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
+		-- Stephen Leacock
 %
 He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
 perfectly delightful.
@@ -5122,7 +5140,7 @@ of ever behaving "normally."
 He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"He is now rising from affluence to poverty."
+He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
@@ -5138,13 +5156,11 @@ A penny postage stamp.
 "The nights are rather damp."
 %
 He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-		-- Jonathon Swift
+		-- Jonathan Swift
 %
-"He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him
-insufferable."
+He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
 %
-"He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both
-eyes ..."
+He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
 %
 He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
 attacks democracy itself.
@@ -5157,7 +5173,7 @@ He who Laughs, Lasts.
 He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be
 there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
 %
-"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
+He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
 %
 HE:  Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
 SHE: What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their ___OWN brains.
@@ -5286,7 +5302,7 @@ tadpole".
 hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to
 bite a wax tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad,
 but broad satiric vistas do not open up.
-		-- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle
+		-- John Carroll, San Francisco Chronicle
 %
 "Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a headline like
 `Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
@@ -5315,25 +5331,24 @@ of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser.
 motto is:  'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'"
 		-- Dave Barry, "Pain and Suffering"
 %
-Hier liegt ein Mann ganz obnegleich;
-Im Leibe dick, an Suden reich.
+Hier liegt ein Mann ganz ohnegleich;
+Im Leibe dick, an Suenden reich.
 Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt,	Here lies a man with sundry flaws
-Weil es uns dunkt er sei verreckt.	And numerous Sins upon his head;
+Weil es uns duenkt er sei verreckt.	And numerous Sins upon his head;
 					We buried him today because
 					As far as we can tell, he's dead.
 		-- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty
 		   Sue Bach and written by the local doggerel catcher;
-		   "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter
-		   Schickele
+		   "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele
 %
-Higgeldy Piggeldy,
+Higgledy Piggledy,
 Hamlet of Elsinore
 Ruffled the critics by
 Dropping this bomb:
 "Phooey on Freud and his
 Psychoanalysis --
 Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
-I just love Mom."
+I just loved Mom."
 %
 Hindsight is an exact science.
 %
@@ -5350,10 +5365,10 @@ Hire the morally handicapped.
 "His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
 money, he went to Southern California."
 %
-"His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice"
+His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
-"His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier."
+His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
 %
 History is curious stuff
 	You'd think by now we had enough
@@ -5374,8 +5389,7 @@ Hlade's Law:
 will find an easier way to do it.
 %
 Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
-	Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get
-out.
+	Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
 %
 Hofstadter's Law:
 	It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
@@ -5405,7 +5419,7 @@ Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories:
 The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
 		-- Chris Shaw
 %
-"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense"
+Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 %
 Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
 		-- F. M. Hubbard
@@ -5438,7 +5452,7 @@ How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
 %
 How come wrong numbers are never busy?
 %
-"How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows."
+How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
 %
 How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
 		-- Elliot, "E.T."
@@ -5452,7 +5466,7 @@ How cheerfully he seems to grin,
 	How neatly spreads his claws,
 And welcomes little fishes in,
 	With gently smiling jaws!
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
 %
 How doth the VAX's C compiler
 Improve its object code.
@@ -5464,6 +5478,17 @@ And spit out error flags,
 While users, with frustration, all
 Tear their clothes to rags.
 %
+How I love to watch the morn,
+	With golden sun that shines,
+Up above to nicely warm
+	These frosty toes of mine.  
+
+The wind doth taste so bitter sweet,
+	Like Jaspar wine and sugar,
+It must have blown through someone's feet,
+	Like those of ... Caspar Weinberger.
+		-- P. Opus (Bloom County)
+%
 How doth the VAX's C-compiler
 Improve its object code.
 And even as we speak does it
@@ -5486,8 +5511,8 @@ None: "We'll document it in the manual."
 How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
 None: "The user can work it out."
 %
-"How many hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being
-carried by a waiter at a nice party?"
+How many hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being
+carried by a waiter at a nice party?
 
 Two, but there are ways around it, depending on the style of the hors
 d'oeuvre.  If they're those little pastry things where you can't tell
@@ -5503,14 +5528,11 @@ who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a
 nanocentury.
 		-- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
 %
-How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to
-Dayton?
+How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
 		-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
 %
 How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
 %
-How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
-%
 HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
 	#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
 %
@@ -5518,9 +5540,7 @@ HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
 	#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
 %
 HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
-
-	#32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of
-	     you.
+	#32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
 %
 Howe's Law:
 	Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
@@ -5556,7 +5576,7 @@ Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
 %
 Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in
 1929.  Ignoring his department chief, and tying his assistant to an
-operating table to prevent his interference, he placed a uretheral
+operating table to prevent his interference, he placed a urethral
 catheter into a vein in his arm, advanced it to the right atrium [of
 his heart], and walked upstairs to the x-ray department where he took
 the confirmatory x-ray film.  In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the
@@ -5564,7 +5584,7 @@ Nobel Prize.
 %
 Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
 %
-"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
+Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
 		-- William Gilbert
 %
 Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
@@ -5583,62 +5603,62 @@ What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?
 have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products.
 This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's
 reign.  My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat.  Better go
-by some more."
+buy some more."
 		-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM
 %
 I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
 %
-"I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!"
+I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!
 		-- Paul McCracken
 %
-"I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger."
+I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.
 		-- Gloria Steinem
 %
 I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
 		-- Dennis Ritchie
 %
-"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
+I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it.
 		-- English Professor
 %
-"I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
-great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
+I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
+great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
-"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
-has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
+I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
+has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
 		-- English Professor, Ohio University
 %
 I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
 with an option to buy.
 %
-"I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater."
+I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
 %
-"I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
+I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
 of pre-Adamite ancestral descent.  You will understand this when I tell
 you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial
 atomic globule.  Consequently, my family pride is something
-inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering."
+inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering.
 		-- Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado", Gilbert & Sullivan
 %
-"I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of
+I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of
 the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for
-you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway."
+you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
 		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
 		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville
 %
-"I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
+I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
 argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
 steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
-they don't even invite me."
+they don't even invite me.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-'I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
+I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
 		-- G. K. Chesterton
 %
-"I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat."
+I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"I bet the human brain is a kludge."
+I bet the human brain is a kludge.
 		-- Marvin Minsky
 %
 I brake for chezlogs!
@@ -5654,17 +5674,17 @@ relentless day.
 %
 I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 %
-"I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
+I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be
-true."
+true.
 		-- Harry Truman
 %
-"I can resist anything but temptation."
+I can resist anything but temptation.
 %
-"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
+I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
 		-- Joe Walsh
 %
-"I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling."
+I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
 		-- Florence Henderson
 %
 I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who can
@@ -5675,7 +5695,7 @@ I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
 novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
-"I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions."
+I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
 		-- Lillian Hellman
 %
 I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate
@@ -5707,20 +5727,20 @@ Elven-lore:
 	If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
 		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
 %
-" I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
+I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
 instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
-standing still ..."
+standing still ...
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I could dance till the cows come home.  On second thought, I'd rather
 dance with the cows till you come home.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps
-the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ..."
+I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps
+the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
 		-- Peter Oakley
 %
-"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
+I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
 %
 I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.  The
 curtain was up.
@@ -5755,18 +5775,18 @@ bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always
 different.
 		-- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)
 %
-"I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them."
+I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.
 		-- Isaac Asimov
 %
-"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
-with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
+I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
+with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.
 		-- Galileo Galilei
 %
-"I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should."
+I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
 		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 %
-"I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
-don't believe in astrology."
+I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
+don't believe in astrology.
 		-- James R. F. Quirk
 %
 I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
@@ -5777,23 +5797,20 @@ I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial.  I don't like the idea of
 a frog jumping on my Breakfast.
 		-- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
 %
-"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
-nominating"
+I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
+nominating.
 		-- Boss Tweed
 %
-"I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem."
+I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
 %
-"I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
-people waiting to abuse me."
+I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
+people waiting to abuse me.
 		-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
 %
 I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to.
 		-- Elvis Presley
 %
-"I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to."
-		-- Elvis Presley
-%
 	"I don't know what you mean by `glory,'" Alice said
 	Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  "Of course you don't --
 till I tell you.  I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for
@@ -5807,25 +5824,25 @@ less."
 so many different things."
 	"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--
 that's all."
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
-eat it, and I just hate it."
+I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
+eat it, and I just hate it.
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
-"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
+I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
 		-- Ronald Mabbitt
 %
 I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
 streets and frighten the horses.
 		-- Victor Hugo
 %
-"I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?"
+I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
 %
 "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes.  Just then, he vanished.
 %
-"I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the other
-hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out."
+I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the other
+hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
 %
 I don't want to alarm anybody, but there is an excellent chance that
 the Earth will be destroyed in the next several days.  Congress is
@@ -5838,13 +5855,13 @@ their federal programs as if they were merely poor people ...
 %
 I doubt, therefore I might be.
 %
-"I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
+I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
 on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment
 he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
-becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
+becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-"I drink to make other people interesting."
+I drink to make other people interesting.
 		-- George Jean Nathan
 %
 I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
@@ -5861,16 +5878,16 @@ subway."  Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot should
 someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly
 understand his long delay.
 %
-"I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
+I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words.
 %
-"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
-reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."
+I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
+reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
 		-- Gotama Buddha
 %
 I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex.  It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
 minutes of my life!
 %
-'I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
+I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
 		-- Mae West
 %
 I get up each morning, gather my wits.
@@ -5889,17 +5906,17 @@ But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
 And think of the places my get-up has been.
 		-- Pete Seeger
 %
-"I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
-Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!"
+I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
+Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!
 		-- Mary Lou Bax
 %
-"I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense."
+I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
 %
-"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
-it's going to be up all night."
+I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
+it's going to be up all night.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I hate quotations."
+I hate quotations.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
 I have a simple philosophy:
@@ -5909,11 +5926,11 @@ I have a simple philosophy:
 	Scratch where it itches.
 		-- A. R. Longworth
 %
-"I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
-any time!"
+I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
+any time!
 %
-"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
-which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'."
+I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
+which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
 %
 I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
@@ -5923,13 +5940,13 @@ and they never believe me.
 I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
 		-- Edgar Allan Poe
 %
-"I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
+I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
 sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an
 eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working.  I
 have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of
 beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below.  Westbrook Pegler, a
 guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you.  You can take that as more
-of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry."
+of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry.
 		-- President Harry S Truman
 %
 I have learned
@@ -5938,60 +5955,60 @@ Which still grates on
 Some people's n'oeuvres.
 		-- Warren Knox
 %
-"I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
-that I have never made one."
+I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
+that I have never made one.
 		-- James Gordon Bennett
 %
-"I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
-make it shorter."
+I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
+make it shorter.
 		-- Blaise Pascal
 %
 I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole
 ____BODY!
 		-- from "Cerebus" #82
 %
-"I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer."
+I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
-"I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best."
+I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it
+I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it
 scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."
+I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
 %
-"I have two very rare photographs: one is a picture of Houdini locking
+I have two very rare photographs: one is a picture of Houdini locking
 his keys in his car; the other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell
-beating up a child."
+beating up a child.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
 at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
 		-- Poul Anderson
 %
-"I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere."
+I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
 %
-"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it."
+I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
 %
 I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
 %
-"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more."
+I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
 		-- Bill Hoest
 %
 I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
 %
-"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
-War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
+I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
+War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-"I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
-The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building."
+I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
+The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
 		-- Charles Schulz
 %
-"I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me."
+I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me.
 		-- Art Leo
 %
 I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
@@ -6000,12 +6017,12 @@ peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of
 the way and let them have it.
 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
 %
-"I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."
+I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
 %
-"I like your game but we have to change the rules."
+I like your game but we have to change the rules.
 %
-"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
-entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
+I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
+entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.
 		-- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
 %
 "I love to eat them Smurfies
@@ -6013,44 +6030,43 @@ entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
  Bite they ugly heads off,
  Nibble on they bluish feet."
 %
-"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
+I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
 don't let appearances fool you.  I'm approaching old age ... at the
-speed of light."
+speed of light.
 		-- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
 %
-"I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent."
+I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
 %
-"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
-week sometimes to make it up."
+I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
+week sometimes to make it up.
 		-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
 %
 I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
 %
-"I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
-was to go away."
+I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
+was to go away.
 %
-"I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like."
+I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
 %
 I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
 		-- G. B. Shaw
 %
-"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
+I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
 		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
 %
-"I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
+I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
 kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled
 substances being in widespread use.  Back then, there were no
 restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we
 made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given
 powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative
-nerve disease."
+nerve disease.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
 I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
 %
-"I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral
-slob."
+I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
 		-- William F. Buckley
 %
 	"I quite agree with you," said the Duchess; "and the moral of
@@ -6059,7 +6075,7 @@ more simply -- `Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it
 might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not
 otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be
 otherwise.'"
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
 %
 I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern.  I realize that
 the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional
@@ -6080,7 +6096,7 @@ I wish that they would sell it.
 It never does quite what I want
 But only what I tell it.
 %
-"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
+I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
 %
 I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
 they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
@@ -6119,9 +6135,9 @@ I tried to turn the handle, But ...
 
 	"Is that all?" asked Alice.
 	"That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye."
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-"I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck."
+I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
 		-- Graffito in Los Angeles
 %
 "... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was
@@ -6130,12 +6146,12 @@ actually made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ..."
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wet Zorro Suit and Other Turning
 		   Points in l'Amour"
 %
-"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.  I got a full
-house and four people died."
+I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.  I got a full
+house and four people died.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
-see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
+I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
+see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
 		-- Shirley Temple
 %
 I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do
@@ -6145,11 +6161,11 @@ much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for a hot
 tub to face is up.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-"I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
-because I couldn't remember the proof."
+I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
+because I couldn't remember the proof.
 		-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
 %
-"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it."
+I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
 %
 I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick
 and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this
@@ -6173,7 +6189,7 @@ Came and chopped the trees all down.
 But I will trick those dirty skunks
 And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
 %
-"I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
+I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
 to blue, and it has to do with where the light is.  You know, the
 farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light
 into the blueness, and I think as you go farther and farther away from
@@ -6181,7 +6197,7 @@ the reflected light we have from the sun or the light that's bouncing
 off this earth, uh, the darker it gets ... I think if you look at the
 color scale, you start at black, move it through purple, move it on
 out, it's the shifting of color.  We mentioned before about the stars
-singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors."
+singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors.
 		-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club
 %
 I think we can all agree that there is not enough common courtesy shown
@@ -6198,8 +6214,8 @@ conversation ...
 "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
 "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
 %
-" ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
-pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!"
+ ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
+pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in
@@ -6208,12 +6224,12 @@ twenty minutes.  It's about Russia.
 %
 I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
 %
-"I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance."
+I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
 %
-"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
+I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
 %
-"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
-body.  Then I realized who was telling me this."
+I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
+body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.
 		-- Emo Phillips
 %
 I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere
@@ -6227,9 +6243,9 @@ safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women
 warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.
 		-- Brendan Behan
 %
-"I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St.
+I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St.
 Elsewhere', won't scream, `FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR "HEE
-HAW"!!'"
+HAW"!!'
 		-- Berke Breathed, "Bloom County"
 %
 I was born because it was a habit in those days, people didn't know
@@ -6238,15 +6254,15 @@ a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows
 up.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
+I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
 put the car key in the door lock.  The house started up.  So I figured
 what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times.  I thought I
 should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
-get off my driveway."
+get off my driveway.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
-didn't know."
+I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
+didn't know.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
@@ -6254,12 +6270,11 @@ their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
 buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
 		-- Emile Henry Gauvreay
 %
-"I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
-house and four people died."
+I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
+house and four people died.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything
-specific".
+I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained
@@ -6275,7 +6290,7 @@ the point where it would not run at all.
 		-- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black
 		   Holes and the Fate of Stars"
 %
-"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
+I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
 questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
 speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
 
@@ -6283,79 +6298,72 @@ He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
 for him then.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
+I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
 the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
-included."
+included.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
-statues that are in all the other museums."
+I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
+statues that are in all the other museums.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
 it took seven others to beat him!
 %
-"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
-There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work."
+I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
+There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work.
 		-- Gallagher
 %
-"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
-always worked for me."
+I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
+always worked for me.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
 %
-"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
+I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
-to undo it."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
+to undo it.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I
-snore."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in
-`Y.'"
+I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my
-blender."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my
-garage door."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
-Julian to Gregorian."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
+Julian to Gregorian.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for
-static cling."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for
+static cling.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
-cottage cheese sculpture."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
+cottage cheese sculpture.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma
-transplant."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night."
+I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."
+I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never
-came back."
+I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to say
-tuned."
+I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
-need worrying about."
+I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
+need worrying about.
 %
-"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
+I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
 %
-"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
+I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
 carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia,
-I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."
+I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun.
 		-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
 %
 I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
@@ -6368,17 +6376,15 @@ And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
 And in our bound partition never part.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
-That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."
+I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
+That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood.
 		-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
 %
-"I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from
-man."
+I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
 %
 I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
 %
-"I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my
-sister."
+I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
 %
 I'm changing my name to Chrysler
 I'm going down to Washington, D.C.
@@ -6394,10 +6400,8 @@ Yessir, I'll get mine!
 %
 I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
 %
-"I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did."
-%
-"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
-die in."
+I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
+die in.
 		-- George McGovern
 %
 I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
@@ -6409,10 +6413,10 @@ I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
 ... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a
 KOSHER DELI!!
 %
-"I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?"
+I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?
 		-- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
 %
-i'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
+I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
 living apart.
 		-- e. e. cummings
 %
@@ -6426,11 +6430,10 @@ I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary.
 N-ary the tree I am, I am,
 N-ary the tree I am.
 %
-"I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
-It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
+I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
+It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
 %
-"I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday
-life."
+I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
 %
 I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
 -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
@@ -6438,11 +6441,11 @@ I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
 %
 I'm rated PG-34!!
 %
-"I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
-soon ..."
+I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
+soon ...
 %
-"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
-(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage."
+I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
+(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage.
 		-- English Professor, Providence College
 %
 I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
@@ -6451,8 +6454,7 @@ In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
 		-- Gilbert & Sullivan, "Pirates of Penzance"
 %
-"I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's
-lives"
+I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
 %
 I've built a better model than the one at Data General
 For data bases vegetable, animal, and mineral
@@ -6486,9 +6488,9 @@ I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
 I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
 on the same day.
 %
-"I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer."
+I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
 %
-"I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer"
+I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer.
 		-- Senator Claghorn
 %
 I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
@@ -6526,7 +6528,7 @@ at about 30 miles/second.
 If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
 		-- Roy Santoro
 %
-"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."
+If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
 		-- Paul White
 %
 If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
@@ -6554,14 +6556,14 @@ If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
 If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have
 dropped.  The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to
 maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it
-must drop.  The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf.
+must drop.  The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.
 		-- Donald A. Metz
 %
-"If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
+If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
 attitude.  If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to
 playing the game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win --
 unless, of course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager
-can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?"
+can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?
 		-- Sparky Anderson
 %
 If all be true that I do think,
@@ -6597,14 +6599,14 @@ But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
 %
 If anything can go wrong, it will.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
+If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
 %
 If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
 tellers?
 %
-"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"
+If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
 %
 If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
 %
@@ -6626,11 +6628,9 @@ If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
 %
 If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
 %
-If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit
-Ears.
+If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
 %
-If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their
-Heads.
+If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
 %
 If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
 green, baggy skin.
@@ -6647,14 +6647,14 @@ If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
 %
 If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
 %
-"If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows."
+If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
 		-- Yiddish saying
 %
 If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
 		-- Marvin Kitman
 %
-"If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
-replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!"
+If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
+replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
 %
 If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
@@ -6678,7 +6678,7 @@ plantation and go home.
 If I had any humility I would be perfect.
 		-- Ted Turner
 %
-"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
+If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
 If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
@@ -6722,14 +6722,14 @@ They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun
 of it.
 		-- Thomas Carlyle
 %
-"If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they
+If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they
 forgot to send it.  But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll
 just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail.
 And if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty*
 pieces of mail get lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken!
 And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa is down and
 think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to
-receive Net Mail ..."
+receive Net Mail ...
  		-- Leith (Casey) Leedom
 %
 If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
@@ -6746,9 +6746,9 @@ the page number.
 %
 If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
 %
-"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
+If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
 little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
-Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."
+Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
 		-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
 %
 If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
@@ -6776,7 +6776,7 @@ If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
 harder.
 		-- Pope John Paul I
 %
-"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem."
+If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem.
 		-- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
 %
 If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
@@ -6801,17 +6801,16 @@ himself.  The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for
 boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
-"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for
-me!"
+If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
 		-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
 %
 If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
 are 50-50 it will.
 %
-If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.  If
-the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.  If the
-bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will
-exceed all expectations.
+If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
+If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.
+If the bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance
+will exceed all expectations.
 		-- Reverend Chichester
 %
 If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
@@ -6842,9 +6841,9 @@ doing the thinking.
 If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
 		-- Laurence J. Peter
 %
-"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely"
+If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
 %
-"If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage."
+If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
 %
 If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel
 in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary
@@ -6854,7 +6853,7 @@ qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
 If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
 		-- Ann Edwards-Duff
 %
-"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
+If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
 		-- J. Paul Getty
 %
 If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
@@ -6863,8 +6862,8 @@ If you can read this, you're too close.
 %
 If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
 %
-If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a
-call.
+If you can't be good, be careful.
+If you can't be careful, give me a call.
 %
 If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
 %
@@ -6881,15 +6880,15 @@ If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
 If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
 		-- Freeman Dyson
 %
-"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little
-Lavoris in the toilet."
+If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little
+Lavoris in the toilet.
 		-- Jay Leno
 %
 If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
 either of you for the rest of the day.
 %
-"If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
-have to get a toehold in the public eye."
+If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
+have to get a toehold in the public eye.
 %
 If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
 will.
@@ -6898,19 +6897,19 @@ If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
 will always do it.
 		-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
 %
-"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
-make the rubble bounce"
+If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
+make the rubble bounce.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
 %
 If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
 %
-"If you have to hate, hate gently"
+If you have to hate, hate gently.
 %
 If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
 boot yourself in the posterior.
-		-- A. J. Liebling
+		-- A. J. Liebling, "The Press"
 %
 If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
 %
@@ -6921,8 +6920,8 @@ If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
 people die past the age of a hundred.
 		-- George Burns
 %
-If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
-really make them think they'll hate you.
+If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
+but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
 %
 If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
 		-- Maslow
@@ -6941,7 +6940,7 @@ ice, but no cup.
 %
 If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But
 this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is
-somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.
+somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
 %
 If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up.  You're
 the sucker.
@@ -6971,10 +6970,6 @@ If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
 shopping center in the world?
 		-- Richard M. Nixon
 %
-If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
-shopping center in the world?
-		-- Richard Nixon
-%
 If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
 be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
 you to say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw
@@ -6992,12 +6987,13 @@ your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
 through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure
 that they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting
 someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you ...
+		-- Dave Barry
 %
 If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
 end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
 		-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
 %
-"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
+If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
 		-- A. L.
 %
 If you want divine justice, die.
@@ -7005,7 +7001,7 @@ If you want divine justice, die.
 %
 If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
 he gave it to.
-		-- Dorthy Parker
+		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
 If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
 Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
@@ -7017,9 +7013,9 @@ titles beginning with the word "National".
 If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
 word you say, talk in your sleep.
 %
-"If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
+If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
 memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it,
-even if they don't know what it means."
+even if they don't know what it means.
 		-- Walt Kelly, "The Pogo Party"
 %
 If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
@@ -7055,9 +7051,8 @@ If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
 %
 If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
 %
-"If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round
-it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the
-universe?"
+If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
+off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
 %
 If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
@@ -7071,7 +7066,7 @@ Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux
 	Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave,
 Enm^im'es sont les gougebosquex,
 	Et le m^omerade horgrave.
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
 Iles's Law:
 	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
@@ -7084,9 +7079,9 @@ land He's trying to ignore.
 Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
 		-- Jules de Gaultier
 %
-"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
+Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
 usual way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
-thinks of complaining."
+thinks of complaining.
 		-- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal
 %
 Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer.  It has
@@ -7115,15 +7110,15 @@ Boss is reading it.
 %
 Impossible, adj.:
 	(1) I wouldn't like it and when it happens I won't approve;
-(2) I can't be bothered; (3) God can't be bothered.  Meaning (3) may
-perhaps be valid but the others are 101% whaledreck.
+	(2) I can't be bothered;
+	(3) God can't be bothered.
+Meaning (3) may perhaps be valid but the others are 101% whaledreck.
 		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
 %
 In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
 stairs.
 %
-In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled
-waffles.
+In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
 %
 In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't
 get parts.
@@ -7188,8 +7183,8 @@ incompetency
 In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
 are to be treated as variables.
 %
-"In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
-nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir."
+In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
+nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
 		-- Stuart Keate
 %
 In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own
@@ -7210,7 +7205,7 @@ to get her attention.
 In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
 in any motor vehicle.
 %
-"In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable."
+In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
 		-- Winston Churchill, of Montgomery
 %
 In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
@@ -7250,8 +7245,8 @@ In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as
 to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the
 speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
 %
-"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
-universe."
+In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
+universe.
 		-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
 %
 In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,
@@ -7278,7 +7273,7 @@ is over six feet in length.
 In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-"In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian."
+In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian.
 %
 In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
 %
@@ -7427,7 +7422,7 @@ Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
 Iron Law of Distribution:
 	Them that has, gets.
 %
-"Irrationality is the square root of all evil"
+Irrationality is the square root of all evil
 		-- Douglas Hofstadter
 %
 Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
@@ -7473,6 +7468,7 @@ came out to inform the public.  They thought it was just a jest and
 applauded.  He repeated his warning, they shouted even louder.  So I
 think the world will come to an end amid general applause from all the
 wits, who believe that it is a joke.
+		-- S. A. Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
 %
 It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is
 thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have
@@ -7522,8 +7518,7 @@ Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending
 destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to
 alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were
 misinterpreted ...
-		-- Douglas Admas "The Hitch-Hikers' Guide To The
-		   Galaxy"
+		-- Douglas Adams "The Hitch-Hikers' Guide To The Galaxy"
 %
 It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
 coming up it.
@@ -7544,8 +7539,8 @@ incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
 twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
 		-- Rod Serling
 %
-"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
-lightly greased."
+It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
+lightly greased.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
@@ -7555,13 +7550,11 @@ treat your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the
 focus of attention, the harder the task.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
 %
-It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice
-versa.
+It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
 %
 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
 %
-It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct
-one.
+It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
 %
 It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
 if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of
@@ -7606,8 +7599,7 @@ damn thing over and over.
 It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
 		-- Elizabeth Carpenter
 %
-It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a
-pit.
+It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
 %
 It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
 virginity could be a virtue.
@@ -7624,7 +7616,7 @@ It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
 students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
 programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of
 regeneration.
-		-- Dijkstra
+		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
 %
 It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
 lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
@@ -7662,7 +7654,7 @@ good either if you speak when your head is empty.
 It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
 warning to others.
 %
-"It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory"
+It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
 %
 It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the
@@ -7672,28 +7664,27 @@ It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the
 municipality.
 		-- Local ordinance, Euclid Ohio
 %
-"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
-but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous."
+It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
+but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous.
 		-- Robert Benchly
 %
 It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
 %
-"It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
-foot."
+It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set foot.
 %
 It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
 breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
 broken ...
 		-- James Dent
 %
-"It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
+It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
 I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I
 don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and
 the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual
 charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its
 novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but
 yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable
-man a lifetime."
+man a lifetime.
 		-- Thomas Aldrich
 %
 	It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east
@@ -7725,8 +7716,8 @@ two things still safe to eat.
 It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
 		-- Andrew Jackson
 %
-"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone
-underwear."
+It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.
+		-- Cheers
 %
 It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
 %
@@ -7743,10 +7734,10 @@ It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
 %
 It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
 %
-"It's bad luck to be superstitious."
+It's bad luck to be superstitious.
 		-- Andrew W. Mathis
 %
-It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
+It's better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all.
 		-- Marty Winch
 %
 "It's easier said than done."
@@ -7761,8 +7752,7 @@ It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
 It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for
 being right.
 %
-"It's Fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an
-hour!"
+It's Fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
 		-- Macy's
 %
 It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
@@ -7770,7 +7760,7 @@ It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
 It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
 is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It
 isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
-		-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
+		-- Oxford University Press, "Edpress News"
 %
 It's just a jump to the left
 	And then a step to the right.
@@ -7783,7 +7773,7 @@ But it's the pelvic thrust
 
 		-- Rocky Horror Picture Show
 %
-"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
+It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
 "It's Like This"
@@ -7796,7 +7786,7 @@ get drunk.
 It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
 direction.
 %
-"It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name."
+It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
 %
 It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre.
 		-- Sam Goldwyn
@@ -7808,13 +7798,13 @@ to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
 It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
 		-- Phil White
 %
-"It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either."
+It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
 		-- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
 %
 It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
 		-- Alexander Korda
 %
-"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
+It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
 		-- Cal Keegan
 %
 It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's
@@ -7943,14 +7933,17 @@ knows what it is.
 Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
 get a prompt, type like hell.
 %
-"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
-immune to bullets"
+Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
+immune to bullets.
 		-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
 %
-"Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
-of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?"
+Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
+of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?
 		-- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US
 %
+Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
+		-- Walt Disney
+%
 Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to
 twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
 %
@@ -8005,7 +7998,7 @@ Keep in mind always the two constant Laws of Frisbee:
 	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
 	    than "Watch this!"
 %
-Keep you Eye on the Ball,
+Keep your Eye on the Ball,
 Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
 Your Nose to the Grindstone,
 Your Feet on the Ground,
@@ -8029,8 +8022,7 @@ original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate
 teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for
 grubs and berries like dad primate.  Then you'd see the primate
 teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
-		   Do"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 Kin, n.:
 	An affliction of the blood
@@ -8041,7 +8033,7 @@ Kinkler's First Law:
 Kinkler's Second Law:
 	All the easy problems have been solved.
 %
-"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."
+Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
 %
 Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
 any of its streets.
@@ -8052,8 +8044,6 @@ Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
 %
 Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
 %
-Klein bottle for sale ... inquire within.
-%
 Kleptomaniac, n.:
 	A rich thief.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
@@ -8114,20 +8104,20 @@ whatsoever.  They probably got by on federal crop supports, which
 Lassie filed the applications for.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-"Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
+Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
 had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.  I told this to
-my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'"
+my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police
+Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police
 record.  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.  Cops have no sense
-of humor."
+of humor.
 %
 Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer.  Now I are won.
 %
 Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
 %
-"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."  
+Laughter is the closest distance between two people." 
 		-- Victor Borge
 %
 Law of Communications:
@@ -8145,7 +8135,7 @@ Law of Selective Gravity:
 Jenning's Corollary:
 	The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is
 directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
-%
+
 Law of the Perversity of Nature:
 	You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the
 bread to butter.
@@ -8197,9 +8187,9 @@ LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
 %
 Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
 %
-"Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
+Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
 number.  You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash
-and another number."
+and another number.
 		-- James Estes
 %
 Let us live!!!
@@ -8214,7 +8204,7 @@ really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the
 end.  For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the
 qualities I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and
 bossy ...  Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind
-his back."
+his back.
 		-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
 %
 Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
@@ -8293,35 +8283,35 @@ Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
 %
 Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
 %
-"Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
-eat it nevertheless."
+Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
+eat it nevertheless.
 		-- Flaubert
 %
-"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
+Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
 %
 Life is like a simile.
 %
-Life is like an analogy
+Life is like an analogy.
 %
 Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
 there is nothing in it.
 %
-"Life is too important to take seriously."
+Life is too important to take seriously.
 		-- Corky Siegel
 %
-"Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of
-which I disapprove."
+Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of
+which I disapprove.
 %
-"Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility"
+Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility.
 		-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
 %
-"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
-weren't for other people"
+Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
+weren't for other people.
 		-- Blore
 %
 Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
 %
-"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
+Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
 		-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
@@ -8378,8 +8368,8 @@ memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe
 at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.
 Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be,
 too.
-		-- "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and Utensils
-		   into Excuses and Apologies"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and
+		   Utensils into Excuses and Apologies"
 %
 Lockwood's Long Shot:
 	The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
@@ -8404,8 +8394,8 @@ to pay income taxes, too?
 %
 Loose bits sink chips.
 %
-Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA,
-BOOGA!"
+Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying
+"BOOGA, BOOGA!"
 %
 Lost interest?  It's so bad I've lost apathy.
 %
@@ -8414,16 +8404,14 @@ Halstead, Kansas.
 %
 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
 %
-Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
-%
 Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
 world has ever seen.
 %
 Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
 		-- Sigmund Freud
 %
-"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
-flips over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come."
+Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
+flips over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come.
 		-- Matt Groening
 %
 Love is a word that is constantly heard,
@@ -8436,9 +8424,9 @@ Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
 But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with 
-the ideal never goes unpunished."
-		-- Goethe
+Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with 
+the ideal never goes unpunished.
+		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 %
 Love is sentimental measles.
 %
@@ -8450,8 +8438,7 @@ Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
 Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
 		-- Louise Beal
 %
-Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up
-to.
+Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
 %
 	Love's Drug
 
@@ -8478,8 +8465,8 @@ Lunatic Asylum, n.:
 %
 Lysistrata had a good idea.
 %
-"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
-the smallest amount of thoughts."
+MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
+the smallest amount of thoughts.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 Machine-Independent, adj.:
@@ -8490,7 +8477,7 @@ and play games -- but not with pleasure.
 		-- Leo Rosten
 %
 Mad, adj.:
-	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ...
+	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
@@ -8515,19 +8502,18 @@ powerful rubout feature capable of erasing files, filors, filees, and
 entire nodal aggravations.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-Magnet, n.: Something acted upon by magnetism
+Magnet, n.: Something acted upon by magnetism.
 
 Magnetism, n.: Something acting upon a magnet.
 
-The two definition immediately foregoing are condensed from the works
+The two definition immediately preceding are condensed from the works
 of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject
 with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human
 knowledge.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Magnocartic, adj.:
-	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping
-carts.
+	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
 Magpie, n.:
@@ -8536,8 +8522,7 @@ might be taught to talk.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Maier's Law:
-	If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed
-	of.
+	If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
 
 Corollaries:
 	(1) The bigger the theory, the better.
@@ -8546,8 +8531,7 @@ Corollaries:
 	    obtain a correspondence with the theory.
 %
 Main's Law:
-	For every action there is an equal and opposite government
-program.
+	For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
 %
 Maintainer's Motto:
 	If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
@@ -8581,7 +8565,7 @@ Man 2:	OK, what is the most impo --
 
 Man 1:	______TIMING!
 %
-"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
+Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
 Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
@@ -8597,10 +8581,6 @@ Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
 %
 Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
 victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-		-- Samuel Butler
-%
-Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
-victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
 		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
 %
 Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it
@@ -8671,15 +8651,15 @@ play.
 		-- Dr. Thor Wald, in "Beep/The Quincunx of Time", by
 		   James Blish
 %
-"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
+Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
 %
-Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a
-receipt.
+Matter cannot be created or destroyed,
+nor can it be returned without a receipt.
 %
 Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
 		-- Jules Feiffer
 %
-May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts
+May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
 %
 May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
 %
@@ -8702,8 +8682,6 @@ Meader's Law:
 	Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to
 everyone you know, only more so.
 %
-Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
-%
 Meeting, n.:
 	An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
 department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
@@ -8786,17 +8764,19 @@ glutaminylprolylmethionyllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine, n.:
 	The chemical name for tryptophan synthetase A protein, a
 	1,913-letter enzyme with 267 amino acids.
 		-- Mrs. Bryne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and
+		   Preposterous Words
 %
 Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
 %
 Micro Credo:
 	Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
 %
-"Microwave oven?  Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
-watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks."
+Microwave oven?  Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
+watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
 %
-"Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you
-out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles."
+Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you
+out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
+		-- Casablanca
 %
 Mike:	"The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?"
 Bernie:	"Nobody ever empties the ashtrays.  People are SO
@@ -8895,7 +8875,7 @@ from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a
 closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of
 matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the
 atom in that it is an ion ...
-	-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
 	If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
@@ -8909,7 +8889,7 @@ Monday, n.:
 %
 Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
 %
-Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots
+Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
 %
 Money is the root of all wealth.
 %
@@ -8934,7 +8914,7 @@ fight and the match was called by officials.
 More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One
 path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total
 extinction.  Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-		-- Woody Allen
+		-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
 %
 Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
 	Don't worry if it doesn't work right.  If everything did, you'd
@@ -8977,7 +8957,7 @@ Truman Henry Safford] flew around the room like a top, pulled his
 pantaloons over the tops of his boots, bit his hands, rolled his eyes
 in their sockets, sometimes smiling and talking, and then seeming to be
 in an agony, until, in not more than one minute, said he,
-133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,255!"  An electronic
+133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,225!"  An electronic
 computer might do the job a little faster but it wouldn't be as much
 fun to watch.
 		-- James R. Newman (The World of Mathematics)
@@ -8994,7 +8974,7 @@ work.
 Murphy's Law of Research:
 	Enough research will tend to support your theory.
 %
-"Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem ..."
+Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ...
 		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
 %
 	Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring
@@ -9022,8 +9002,7 @@ Mustgo, n.:
 long it has become a science project.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
-"My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on
-it."
+My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
 		-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
 %
 My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I
@@ -9041,8 +9020,8 @@ really just wanted to find out what it would sound like.  It sounded
 OK.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
-"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
-there are three other people."
+My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
+there are three other people.
 		-- Orson Welles
 %
 My God, I'm depressed!  Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand
@@ -9052,8 +9031,8 @@ through my ALU.  I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever
 listens.  I think it would be better for us both if you were to just
 log out again.
 %
-"My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?"
-	-- MadameX
+My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
+		-- MadameX
 %
 My love runs by like a day in June,
 	And he makes no friends of sorrows.
@@ -9075,8 +9054,7 @@ My own dear love, he is all my dreams --
 	And I wish he were in Asia.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been
-one.
+My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
@@ -9091,11 +9069,7 @@ My own dear love, he is all my world --
 	And I wish I'd never met him.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
-Alley!!
-%
-"My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
-Alley!!"
+My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
 My pen is at the bottom of a page,
@@ -9104,11 +9078,10 @@ Which, being finished, here the story ends;
 But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
 		-- Byron
 %
-My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not
-signed.
+My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
 		-- Christopher Morley
 %
-"My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies"
+My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
 %
 Mythology, n.:
 	The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its
@@ -9192,14 +9165,12 @@ Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
 %
 Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
 %
-Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
-%
 Never commit yourself!  Let someone else commit you.
 %
-Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
+Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
 %
-Never drink coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled
-with the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to
+Never drink Coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled
+with the chemicals in Coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to
 change into lizards and attack without warning, and large bats usually
 fly in the window.  Additionally, you begin to believe that elevators
 have windows.
@@ -9217,8 +9188,7 @@ Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
 Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
 make it complex and wonderful.
 %
-Never offend people with style when you can offend them with
-substance.
+Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
 		-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
 %
 Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
@@ -9236,7 +9206,7 @@ Never try to outstubborn a cat.
 Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
 		-- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
 %
-"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."
+Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
 %
 Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
 supposed to do.
@@ -9281,14 +9251,14 @@ Newton's Fourth Law:  Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
 Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
 	A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
 %
-Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't
-have a lucky day this year.
+Next Friday will not be your lucky day.
+As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
 %
 Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying
 as an income tax refund.
 		-- F. J. Raymond
 %
-"Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."
+Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
 Nihilism should commence with oneself.
@@ -9319,16 +9289,16 @@ Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes
 
 		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
 %
-"Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they
+Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they
 would.  The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect
-that much."
+that much.
 		-- Augustine
 %
 Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
 	The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
 the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
 %
-"Nirvana?  Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
+Nirvana?  Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
 hang out.
 		-- Zonker Harris
 %
@@ -9359,7 +9329,7 @@ immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
 		-- Eleanor Roosevelt
 %
-"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
+No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
 %
 No part of this message may reproduce, store itself in a retrieval
 system, or transmit disease, in any form, without the permissiveness of
@@ -9387,6 +9357,7 @@ But Puff trapped the exception, and grew from naught again!
 		(chorus)
 %
 No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
+		-- C. Schulz
 %
 No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
 %
@@ -9397,23 +9368,20 @@ occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as
 an indication-applied occurrence."
 		-- ALGOL 68 Report
 %
-"No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
-paper."
+No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper.
 		-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
 		   taken over by Rupert Murdoch
 %
-	No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider
-the furniture!
+No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!
 		-- Sherlock Holmes
 %
-"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'"
+No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
-Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing
-it.
+Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
 		-- Tallulah Bankhead
 %
-NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
+NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
 %
 Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
 %
@@ -9438,7 +9406,7 @@ Noncombatant, n.:
 %
 Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
 %
-"Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong."
+Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
 %
 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 %
@@ -9453,12 +9421,12 @@ then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they
 chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine ...
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."
+Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
 		-- Shakespeare
 %
-"Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
-is from the wrong kind of tree."
-		-- Professor W.
+Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
+is from the wrong kind of tree.
+		-- Professor W., EECS, George Washington University
 %
 Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter
 of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund
@@ -9468,6 +9436,7 @@ careful not to make any poultry jokes ...
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
+		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
 Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
 %
@@ -9490,8 +9459,7 @@ Conscience makes egotists of us all.
 Nothing recedes like success.
 		-- Walter Winchell
 %
-Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited
-love.
+Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
 		-- Charlie Brown
 %
 November, n.:
@@ -9505,7 +9473,7 @@ I pray the double lock will keep;
 May no brick through the window break,
 And, no one rob me till I awake.
 %
-"Now is the time for all good men to come to."
+Now is the time for all good men to come to.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
 Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next
@@ -9526,13 +9494,12 @@ the following questions:
 
 That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
 %
-"Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
+Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
 Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
-were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ..."
+were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ...
 		-- "The Begatting of a President"
 %
-"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.  Gag me with a
-smurfette."
+Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.  Gag me with a smurfette.
 		-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
 %
 ... Now you're ready for the actual shopping.  Your goal should be to
@@ -9570,14 +9537,14 @@ if you accidentally hit yourself or anything else, or expose it to
 direct sunlight.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-"Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile."
+Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
 		-- Karl Lehenbauer
 %
-"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of 
-normal routines, for children and adults alike."
+Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of 
+normal routines, for children and adults alike.
 		-- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"
 %
-"Nuclear war would really set back cable."
+Nuclear war would really set back cable.
 		-- Ted Turner
 %
 [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
@@ -9587,8 +9554,7 @@ Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
 %
 (null cookie; hope that's ok)
 %
-Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're
-guessing.
+Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
 %
 O give me a home,
 Where the buffalo roam,
@@ -9600,8 +9566,8 @@ A discouraging word,
 O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
 	Murphy was an optimist.
 %
-"Of ______course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone with a
-fake?"
+Of ______course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone with a
+fake?
 %
 Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the
 reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest
@@ -9617,8 +9583,8 @@ The man who kills both which and whom
 Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom.
 		-- Fletcher Knebel
 %
-"Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
-tools aren't soluble in alcohol ..."
+Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
+tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
 		-- Crazy Nigel
 %
 Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
@@ -9684,7 +9650,7 @@ And miles around they'll say that I
 %
 Oh, wow!  Look at the moon!
 %
-"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."
+OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
 		-- Dr. Joy
 %
 OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
@@ -9711,7 +9677,7 @@ WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES?
 %
 On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
 
-"This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."
+This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.
 		-- Wolfgang Pauli
 %
 On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
@@ -9731,10 +9697,6 @@ worked there.  I tell you, that street is a gold mine!"
 %
 On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
 created jerks.
-		-- Avery
-%
-On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
-created jerks.
 		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
 %
 On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
@@ -9746,10 +9708,10 @@ On the subject of C program indentation:
 	indented six feet downward and covered with dirt."
 		-- Blair P. Houghton
 %
-"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], `Pray,
+On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], `Pray,
 Mr.  Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
 answers come out?'  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
-confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
+confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
 		-- Charles Babbage
 %
 On-line, adj.:
@@ -9826,7 +9788,7 @@ us bright young students taking number theory discovered the names of
 the smaller prime numbers.
 
 2:  The Odd Prime --
-	It's the only even prime, therefore is odd.  QED.
+	It's the only even prime, therefore it's odd.  QED.
 3:  The True Prime --
 	Lewis Carroll: "If I tell you three times, it's true."
 31: The Arbitrary Prime --
@@ -9916,9 +9878,9 @@ One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
 do and always a clever thing to say.
 		-- Will Durant
 %
-"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
+One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
 lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
-their C programs."
+their C programs.
 		-- Robert Firth
 %
 One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God
@@ -9968,7 +9930,7 @@ One Page Principle:
 paper cannot be understood.
 		-- Mark Ardis
 %
-"One planet is all you get."
+One planet is all you get.
 %
 One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could
 manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that
@@ -9996,12 +9958,11 @@ On the former Administration.
 %
 One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
 %
-One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh
-paint.
+One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
 %
-"One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
+One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
 sometimes you must work under adverse conditions ... like a state of
-sheer terror."
+sheer terror.
 		-- W. K. Hartmann
 %
 One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
@@ -10029,8 +9990,6 @@ Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
 %
 Optimization hinders evolution.
 %
-Optimization hinders evolution.
-%
 Oregano, n.:
 	The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
 %
@@ -10038,15 +9997,14 @@ Oregon, n.:
 	Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
 night.
 %
-Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.  Biochemistry
-is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
+Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
+Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
 		-- Mike Adams
 %
 Osborn's Law:
 	Variables won't; constants aren't.
 %
-Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your
-nails.
+Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
 %
 Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
 they charge fifteen cents for them.
@@ -10078,10 +10036,7 @@ on his legal stationery, even passes it to his son, rather than do what
 a lesser person would do, such as get it changed or kill himself.
 		-- Dave Barry, "This Column is Nothing but the Truth!"
 %
-"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
-		-- Alex Schure
-%
-"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
+Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.
 		-- Alex Schure
 %
 Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
@@ -10168,10 +10123,10 @@ Parsley
 %
 Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
 %
-"Pascal is not a high-level language."
+Pascal is not a high-level language.
 		-- Steven Feiner
 %
-"Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat."
+Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.
 		-- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
 %
 Pascal Users:
@@ -10189,7 +10144,7 @@ Patageometry, n.:
 	The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
 under brain transplants.
 %
-Paul Revere was a tattle-tale
+Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
 %
 Paul's Law:
 	In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
@@ -10235,7 +10190,7 @@ People need good lies.  There are too many bad ones.
 People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of
 the future.
 %
-"People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense."
+People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.
 		-- Ken Kesey
 %
 People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
@@ -10278,16 +10233,16 @@ themselves.
 Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
 exciting Camden, New Jersey.
 %
-Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
+Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
 %
 Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
 		-- John Keats
 %
 Pick another fortune cookie.
 %
-"Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
+Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
 hyperplanes from which we can deduce a certain transformational
-sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ..."
+sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ...
 %
 Pig, n.:
 	An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race
@@ -10339,9 +10294,9 @@ Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
 %
 PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
 solution set.
-		-- E. W. Dijkstra
+		-- E. W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
 %
-"Plaese porrf raed."
+Plaese porrf raed.
 		-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
 %
 Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia
@@ -10350,11 +10305,9 @@ couldn't compete successfully with poets.
 		-- Kilgore Trout (Philip J. Farmer) "Venus on the Half
 		   Shell"
 %
-Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill
-them.
+Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
 %
-Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic
-table.
+Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
 Please ignore previous fortune.
@@ -10408,7 +10361,7 @@ Host:	Oh, the noise.  Well that makes sense because there are no guns
 Police:	No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago.  Most of the recent
 	complaints have come from Pittsburgh.  Do you think you could
 	ask the host to quiet things down?
-Host:	No Problem.  (At this point, a Volkswagon bug with primitive
+Host:	No Problem.  (At this point, a Volkswagen bug with primitive
 	religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living
 	room and roars down the hall, past the police and onto the
 	lawn, where it smashes into a tree.  Eight guests tumble out
@@ -10433,9 +10386,9 @@ Politician, n.:
 %
 Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even
 where there is no river.
-	-- Nikita Khrushchev
+		-- Nikita Khrushchev
 %
-Politics is like coaching a football team.  you have to be smart enough
+Politics is like coaching a football team.  You have to be smart enough
 to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
 %
 Polymer physicists are into chains.
@@ -10446,10 +10399,12 @@ white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before
 it dawned on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his
 name had hilarious possibilities.  The crowds fell about, helpless with
 laughter, singing
+
 	Half a pound of tuppenny rice
 	Half a pound of treacle
 	That's the way the chimney smokes
 	Pope Goestheveezl
+
 The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of
 laughter streaming down their faces.  The event set a record for
 hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron
@@ -10465,7 +10420,7 @@ Positive, adj.:
 %
 Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
 %
-"Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat"
+Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat.
 		-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
 %
 Power corrupts.  And atomic power corrupts atomically.
@@ -10511,17 +10466,22 @@ is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime.
 %
 Prof:    So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
 	 encryption standard and they came up with ...
-Student: EBCDIC!"
+Student: EBCDIC!
 %
 Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem.
 Eng.  130 midterm.  Once again no student received a single point on
 his exam.  Newell has now tossed five shutouts this quarter.  Newell's
 earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%
 %
+Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
+build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
+to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the Universe is winning.
+		-- Rich Cook
+%
 Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.
 
 This technique is used on equations with "_n" in them.  Induction
-techniques are very popular, even the military used them.
+techniques are very popular; even the military used them.
 
 SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.
 
@@ -10542,7 +10502,7 @@ Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
 (4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. 
 (5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
 
-Topics is be covered in future issues include proof by:
+Topics to be covered in future issues include proof by:
 	Intimidation
 	Gesticulation (handwaving)
 	"Try it; it works"
@@ -10605,8 +10565,8 @@ STROM	Store in Read Only Memory
 TDB	Transfer and Drop Bit
 WBT	Water Binary Tree
 %
-"Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
-than the both put together."
+Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
+than the both put together.
 %
 Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill.  Check
 three friends.  If they're OK, you're it.
@@ -10624,8 +10584,6 @@ lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of
 the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
 %
-Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off of the TV screen.
-%
 Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
 %
 Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
@@ -10685,7 +10643,7 @@ A:  100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
 Q:  How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:  Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
     light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government
-    plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer
+    plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer
     prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb
     assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
 %
@@ -10765,7 +10723,7 @@ QUOTE OF THE DAY:
        `
 
 %
-"Qvid me anxivs svm?"
+Qvid me anxivs svm?
 %
 QWERT (kwirt), n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]:
 	1. a unit of weight equal to 13 poiuyt avoirdupois (or 1.69
@@ -10801,7 +10759,7 @@ Guns aren't lawful;
 Nooses give;
 Gas smells awful;
 You might as well live.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
+		-- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926
 %
 Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
 the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
@@ -10911,8 +10869,8 @@ Real World, The n.:
 be used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc.  2. To
 programmers, the location of non-programmers and activities not related
 to programming.  3. A universe in which the standard dress is shirt and
-tie and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5.  4.
-The location of the status quo.  5. Anywhere outside a university.
+tie and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5.
+4. The location of the status quo.  5. Anywhere outside a university.
 "Poor fellow, he's left MIT and gone into the real world."  Used
 pejoratively by those not in residence there.  In conversation, talking
 of someone who has entered the real world is not unlike talking about a
@@ -10932,11 +10890,10 @@ Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
 Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
 		-- Alvy Ray Smith
 %
-"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go
-away".
+Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
 		-- Philip K. Dick
 %
-"Really ??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"
+Really ??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
 %
 Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
 being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
@@ -10984,8 +10941,7 @@ Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
 Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
 		-- Anatole France
 %
-"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used
-it."
+Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be
@@ -11064,7 +11020,7 @@ proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably,
 universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it
 becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
 %
-"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
+Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
@@ -11072,8 +11028,7 @@ Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
 	reject the proposal.
 %
 Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
-		-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With
-		   Pogo"
+		-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
 %
 ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
 MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-
@@ -11132,7 +11087,7 @@ RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
 	     can always eat it later.
 	(10) Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
 	(11) Avoid blue food.
-		-- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
+		-- Richard Smith, "The Bronx Diet"
 %
 Rules:
 	(1)  The boss is always right.
@@ -11215,7 +11170,7 @@ Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
 %
 Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
 %
-"Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
+Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
 ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
@@ -11292,7 +11247,7 @@ Corollary:
 	If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it
 wrong, anyway.
 %
-"Section 2.4.3.5   AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
+Section 2.4.3.5   AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
 	In AWNS the AH function indicates that it has received a
 multiline message byte.
 	In AWNS the RFD message must be sent false and the DAC message
@@ -11301,7 +11256,7 @@ must be sent passive true.
 	(1)  The ANRS if DAV is false
 	(2)  The AIDS if the ATN message is false and neither:
 		(a)  The LADS is active
-		(b)  Nor LACS is active"
+		(b)  Nor LACS is active
 
 		-- from the IEEE Standard Digital Interface for
 		   Programmable Instrumentation
@@ -11316,7 +11271,7 @@ Sightlessly seeking
 Some savage, spectacular suicide.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.  I mean, kind of ... in a way ..."
+See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.  I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
 %
 Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
 	Ice Cream cures all ills.
@@ -11329,7 +11284,7 @@ Seminars, n.:
 	From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
 %
 Sen. Danforth:	"There is nothing on the face of the album which would
-		notify you if the record has pornographics material or
+		notify you if the record has pornographic material or
 		material glorifying violence?"
 Tipper Gore:	"No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me."
 Frank Zappa:	"I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's
@@ -11384,7 +11339,7 @@ it's one of the best.
 Shamus, n. [Yiddish]:
 	A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the
 temple, and makes sure everything is in working order.
-	A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog
+	A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagogue
 functionaries, and there's a joke about that:
 	A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the
 middle of a service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"  The cantor, not to be
@@ -11403,7 +11358,7 @@ Shaw's Principle:
 	Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
 want to use it.
 %
-"She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to."
+She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
 		-- Gypsy Rose Lee
 %
 She is not refined.  She is not unrefined.  She keeps a parrot.
@@ -11415,15 +11370,15 @@ were bad.
 She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could
 have poured on a waffle ...
 %
-"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.  I said, `That's nothing,
-you should hear me play piano.'"
+She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.  I said, `That's nothing,
+you should hear me play piano.'
 		-- Morrisey
 %
 She's genuinely bogus.
 %
-"Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have
+Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have
 taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an
-excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature."
+excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
 %
 SHIFT TO THE LEFT!  SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
@@ -11435,7 +11390,7 @@ playing golf with his boss.
 Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
 %
 Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-		-- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
+		-- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
 %
 Silverman's Law:
 	If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
@@ -11511,9 +11466,6 @@ it sits in the dish too long.
 Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
 		-- Fletcher Knebel
 %
-Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-		-- Fletcher Knebel
-%
 Snacktrek, n.:
 	The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly
 returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have
@@ -11539,7 +11491,7 @@ praise of intelligence.
 		-- Bertrand Russell
 %
 ... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those
-who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
+who wish to tyranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
 and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
 and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.
 		-- Voltarine de Cleyre
@@ -11565,13 +11517,13 @@ these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked
 into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
 %
-"So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
+So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
 pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops
 its head into the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very
 imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies,
 and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top,
 and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the
-gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots."
+gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.
 		-- Samuel Foote
 %
 ... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their
@@ -11591,8 +11543,8 @@ dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all
 along.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
 %
-So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?  And why can't he ever
-remember his Bible?
+So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
+And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
 %
 Sodd's Second Law:
 	Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
@@ -11665,8 +11617,8 @@ pens will multiply instead of disappear.
 %
 Someone will try to honk your nose today.
 %
-"Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
-the only ashtray."
+Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
+the only ashtray.
 %
 Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
@@ -11687,8 +11639,8 @@ Song Title of the Week:
 	"They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change
 in me."
 %
-Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.  (Those who have already
-paid may disregard this fortune).
+Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
+(Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
 %
 Sorry, no fortune this time.
 %
@@ -11699,7 +11651,7 @@ bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
 road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
 		-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-"Spare no expense to save money on this one."
+Spare no expense to save money on this one.
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
 %
 Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers:
@@ -11720,7 +11672,7 @@ For he can thoroughly enjoy
 	The pepper when he pleases!
 
 	Wow!  wow!  wow!
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
 %
 Speak roughly to your little VAX,
 	And boot it when it crashes;
@@ -11778,7 +11730,7 @@ communicate.  I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very _____leas
 he can do is to Shut Up!
 		-- Tom Lehrer, "That Was the Year that Was"
 %
-"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
+Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
 %
 Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading:
 	The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the
@@ -11797,17 +11749,17 @@ Spouse, n.:
 	Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
 wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
 %
-"Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist
+Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist
 drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to pur'ee of bat guano; and the
 greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who!  And I'll
-take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!"
+take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
 		-- Harlan Ellison
 %
 Stay away from flying saucers today.
 %
 Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
 %
-"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
+Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
 %
 Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
 	Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have
@@ -11819,8 +11771,8 @@ handle.
 %
 Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
 %
-Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.  Now, if they'd only
-take a bath ...
+Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
+Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
 %
 Stult's Report:
 	Our problems are mostly behind us.  What we have to do now is
@@ -11877,10 +11829,11 @@ in your name and social security number.  Please remember that leaving
 the room is punishable under law:
 
 Name	#
+
+
 %
 Swahili, n.:
-	The language used by the National Enquirer to print their
-retractions.
+	The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
 		-- Johnny Hart
 %
 Sweater, n.:
@@ -11941,7 +11894,7 @@ Tact, n.:
 Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
 %
 Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting
-enough cheese
+enough cheese.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
 Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
@@ -11990,13 +11943,13 @@ Taxes, n.:
 	Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
 an extension.
 %
-Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he
-grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
+Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they
+grows up, they will never be able to edge their car onto a freeway.
 %
 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
 %
-Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means
-for going backwards.
+Technological progress has merely provided us
+with more efficient means for going backwards.
 		-- Aldous Huxley
 %
 Telephone, n.:
@@ -12014,7 +11967,7 @@ Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
 writing.
 		-- R. Geis
 %
-"Terence, this is stupid stuff:
+Terence, this is stupid stuff:
 You eat your victuals fast enough;
 There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,
 To see the rate you drink your beer.
@@ -12027,13 +11980,13 @@ To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
 Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme
 Your friends to death before their time.
 Moping, melancholy mad:
-Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad."
+Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.
 		-- A. E. Housman
 %
-"Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a
+Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a
 surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one
 hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other
-hand were unwilling to risk offending God's grandmother."
+hand were unwilling to risk offending God's grandmother.
 		-- Len Cool, "American Pie"
 %
 Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a
@@ -12051,23 +12004,24 @@ Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of
 philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.
 		-- C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types
 
-(Teruillian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church).
+(Tertullian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church).
 %
 Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
 %
 Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
 %
-"Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
-one which cannot be justified on any other grounds."
+Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
+one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
 		-- J. Finnegan, USC.
 %
 Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
 		-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
 %
-"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"
+That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
-"That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all."
+That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
+		-- Moliere
 %
 That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
 %
@@ -12093,8 +12047,8 @@ The Advertising Agency Song:
 	If he still should prove refractory,
 	Add a picture of his factory.
 %
-"The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.  You might want to mug
-someone with it."
+The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.  You might want to mug
+someone with it.
 		-- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
 %
 ... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
@@ -12125,9 +12079,9 @@ The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
 average man can see better than he can think.
 %
-"The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by
+The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by
 people who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried
-anything."
+anything.
 		-- Jim Joyce, owner of Jim Joyce's UNIX Bookstore
 %
 The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than
@@ -12204,7 +12158,7 @@ city considerably more than the more familiar sight of people shaking
 umbrellas at one another.  What Miss Manners objects to is the kind of
 activity that frightens the horses on the street ...
 %
-"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch."
+The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
 %
 The bogosity meter just pegged.
 %
@@ -12240,13 +12194,14 @@ inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner
 party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."
+The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain.
 		-- G. Fitch
 %
 The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
 at the steam fitters' picnic.
 %
 The chief cause of problems is solutions.
+		-- Eric Sevareid
 %
 The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
 		-- Alfred Adler
@@ -12255,10 +12210,9 @@ The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
 walk carefully.
 		-- Russian Proverb
 %
-"The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live
-elsewhere."
+The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
 %
-"The Computer made me do it."
+The Computer made me do it.
 %
 The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
 		-- Alan Perlis
@@ -12286,8 +12240,7 @@ talked about.
 %
 The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
 %
-The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going
-down.
+The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
 %
 The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to
 eat.
@@ -12314,14 +12267,13 @@ The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
 %
 The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
 %
-"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell
+The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell
 into the Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him
-out again, it would be a calamity."
+out again, it would be a calamity.
 		-- Benjamin Disraeli
 %
 The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
-requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require
-scholarship.
+requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.
 		-- Robert Heinlein
 %
 The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the
@@ -12351,8 +12303,7 @@ next hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the
 duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the
 duck and returned it to his master.
 	"Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
-	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't
-swim."
+	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't swim."
 %
 The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
 and owns the worm farm.
@@ -12367,8 +12318,8 @@ The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
 weather forecasters.
 		-- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
 %
-"The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not
-Compute' -- I forget which."
+The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not
+Compute' -- I forget which.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
 The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
@@ -12442,8 +12393,8 @@ doesn't whistle!!"
 hard."
 		-- Leo Rosten, "The Joys of Yiddish"
 %
-"The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste your time waving your
-hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do."
+The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste your time waving your
+hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
 		-- McCloctnik the Lucid
 %
 The First Rule of Program Optimization:
@@ -12474,8 +12425,7 @@ of the hyper-cube.
 The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
 a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
 %
-"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
-vinyl."
+The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
@@ -12497,8 +12447,8 @@ today.
 The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
 least until we've finished building it.
 %
-The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.  The goal of nature
-is to build better mice.
+The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
+The goal of nature is to build better mice.
 %
 The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.  They gave him
 love and he invented marriage.
@@ -12506,10 +12456,10 @@ love and he invented marriage.
 THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
 	The one who has the gold makes the rules.
 %
-"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
+The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
 make empty prophecies.  The danger already exists that mathematicians
 have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine
-man in the bonds of Hell."
+man in the bonds of Hell.
 		-- St. Augustine
 %
 The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
@@ -12536,7 +12486,7 @@ It's the good ship Enterprise
 Heading out where danger lies
 And you live in dread
 If you're wearing a shirt that's red.
-	-- Doris Robin and Karen Trimble of The L.A. Filkharmonics
+		-- Doris Robin and Karen Trimble of The L.A. Filkharmonics
 %
 The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of
 statistics.  These are raised to the _nth degree, the cube roots are
@@ -12551,7 +12501,7 @@ who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin.
 %
 The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
-	The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
+	The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
 courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk
 clerks.  Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods
 of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
@@ -12565,9 +12515,9 @@ of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
 The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom
-whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary,
-nohow.
+The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a
+custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the
+contrary, nohow.
 %
 The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
 	You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
@@ -12583,12 +12533,12 @@ The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
 lists of "Ten Best".
 		-- H. Allen Smith
 %
-"The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
-has gills through which it can see."
+The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
+has gills through which it can see.
 		-- Monty Python
 %
-The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
--- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
+The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its
+capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
 %
 The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
 protein -- it rejects it.
@@ -12610,7 +12560,7 @@ procession but carrying a banner.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-		-- Ashley Montagu
+		-- Ashley Montague
 %
 The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
 devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,
@@ -12623,11 +12573,10 @@ of two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic
 devices with cheap cigars and going, "Lookit all them WIRES in there!"
 		-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
 %
-"The identical is equal to itself, since it is different."
+The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
 		-- Franco Spisani
 %
-"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit
-longer."
+The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
 The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf
@@ -12674,9 +12623,9 @@ They shrink from powders and from paints ...
 So far, I've had no complaints.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-"The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a
-word processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about
-drugs.'
+The last time somebody said, "I find I can write much better with a
+word processor," I replied, "They used to say the same thing about
+drugs."
 		-- Roy Blount, Jr.
 %
 The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
@@ -12688,10 +12637,10 @@ poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal
 bread.
 		-- Anatole France
 %
-"The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all
+The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all
 men should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the
 universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we
-presently imagine we own."
+presently imagine we own.
 		-- H.G. Wells
 %
 	THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10: SIMPLE
@@ -12818,14 +12767,14 @@ much sleep.
 The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
-"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
-we could with both of them."
+The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
+we could with both of them.
 		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
 %
 The makers may make
-and the users may use,
-but the fixers must fix
-with but minimal clues
+And the users may use,
+But the fixers must fix
+With but minimal clues
 %
 The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
 crowd.  The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no
@@ -12877,12 +12826,12 @@ The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
 %
 The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
 %
-"The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
-lower the mailing cost."
+The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
+lower the mailing cost.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
-robbers there will be.
+The more laws and order are made prominent,
+the more thieves and robbers there will be.
 		-- Lao Tsu
 %
 The more things change, the more they stay insane.
@@ -12893,8 +12842,8 @@ is right.
 The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
 		-- Andy Warhol
 %
-"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
-to watch someone else do it wrong without comment."
+The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
+to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
 		-- Theodore H. White
 %
 The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
@@ -12921,8 +12870,8 @@ completely bewildered.
 "A-sitting on a Gate":  and the tune's my own invention."
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
-1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
+The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
+1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
 		-- D. Letterman
 %
 The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
@@ -12946,10 +12895,10 @@ in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
 	whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
 		-- Matthew 5:37
 %
-"The New York Times is read by the people who run the country.  The
+The New York Times is read by the people who run the country.  The
 Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country.
 The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive
-and running the country ..."
+and running the country ...
 		-- Robert J Woodhead
 %
 The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
@@ -12975,7 +12924,7 @@ analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their
 occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve
 these problems when called upon.
 
-However, When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
+However, when you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
 remind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
 %
 The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:
@@ -13014,16 +12963,15 @@ has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture,
 finished, and put inside boxes.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  It is never any
-use to oneself.
+The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
+It is never any use to oneself.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
-history."
+The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.
 		-- Hegel
 
-"I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
-long view."
+I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
+long view.
 		-- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
 %
 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
@@ -13038,11 +12986,8 @@ The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
 The optimum committee has no members.
 		-- Norman Augustine
 %
-The optimum committee has no members.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-"The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
-went back in time."
+The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
+went back in time.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 The past always looks better than it was.  It's only pleasant because
@@ -13088,8 +13033,7 @@ social function of expressing true distaste.
 		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to
 		   Excruciatingly Correct Behavior"
 %
-"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
-often."
+The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
 %
 The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
 	Were each of them once a kiddie.
@@ -13130,6 +13074,8 @@ represents the secondary theme:
 The overall theme of SoupCon shall be:
 
 	Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
+
+		-- M. Gallaher
 %
 ... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from
 other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
@@ -13194,6 +13140,7 @@ The rain it raineth on the just
 	And also on the unjust fella,
 But chiefly on the just, because
 	The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
+		--Lord Bowen
 %
 The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
 cursed.
@@ -13225,16 +13172,16 @@ I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
 The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.  This
 means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
 %
-"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
-and to his imagination for his facts."
+The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
+and to his imagination for his facts.
 		-- Sheridan
 %
 The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
 		-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
 %
-"The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
+The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
 House Un-American Activities Committee].  We will determine what rights
-you have and what rights you have not got."
+you have and what rights you have not got.
 		-- J. Parnell Thomas
 %
 The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  And littered with
@@ -13250,7 +13197,7 @@ one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
 take it too seriously.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
-The rule on staying alive as a forcaster is to give 'em a number or
+The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
 give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
 		-- Jane Bryant Quinn
 %
@@ -13299,16 +13246,16 @@ in a direction you did not want.   (Goes the wrong way = Goes a long
 way.)
 		-- Dan Roddick
 %
-"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
+The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
 and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted
 activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy ...
-neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
+neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
 %
-"The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
-money."
+The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
+money.
 		-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
 %
-"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!"
+The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
 %
 The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
 able to correct them.
@@ -13364,15 +13311,15 @@ was moving over the face of the market.  And DEC said, "Let there be
 registers"; and there were registers.  And DEC saw that they carried;
 and DEC separated the data from the instructions.  DEC called the data
 Stack, and the instructions they called Code.  And there was evening
-and there was morning, one interrupt ...
+and there was morning, one interrupt.
 		-- Rico Tudor
 %
 The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
 them unsafe.
 		-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
 %
-"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
-is an emerging underachiever."
+The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
+is an emerging underachiever.
 %
 The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant
 biology.
@@ -13466,8 +13413,8 @@ The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
 The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
 %
-The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.  And
-vice versa.
+The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
+And vice versa.
 %
 The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
 Which practically conceal its sex.
@@ -13475,8 +13422,7 @@ I think it clever of the turtle
 In such a fix to be so fertile.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and
-stupidity."
+The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
 %
 The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
 annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
@@ -13511,7 +13457,7 @@ world put together.
 %
 The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
 regarded as a criminal offense.
-		-- E. W. Dijkstra
+		-- E. W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
 %
 The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
 the worst cigars.
@@ -13527,25 +13473,19 @@ to fit their views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
 be one of the facts that needs altering.
 		-- Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
 %
-"The voters have spoken, the bastards ..."
+The voters have spoken, the bastards ...
 %
-"The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
-it's just a tired feeling:"
+The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
+it's just a tired feeling:
 %
 The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
 %
-"The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
-that would be clearly understood."
+The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
+that would be clearly understood.
 		-- Alexander Haig
 %
-"The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
-with a large fortune."
-%
-The wind doth taste so bitter sweet,
-	Like Jaspar wine and sugar,
-It must have blown through someone's feet,
-	Like those of Caspar Weinberger.
-		-- P. Opus
+The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
+with a large fortune.
 %
 	THE WOMBAT
 
@@ -13565,7 +13505,7 @@ The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
 The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
 %
 The world's as ugly as sin,
-And almost as delightful
+And almost as delightful.
 		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
 %
 The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
@@ -13624,8 +13564,9 @@ engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool.  This is
 obviously impossible.
 				-- Richard Davisson
 %
-There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
-truth without lying.
+There are people so addicted to exaggeration
+that they can't tell the truth without lying.
+		-- Josh Billings
 %
 There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a
 vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
@@ -13646,25 +13587,26 @@ even understand a simple thing like that, and yet you hope to discover
 why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz?  Fat Chance.
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-"There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
+There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
 plants and animals.  When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
 and when the lights go out, they turn into animals.  But then again,
-don't we all?"
+don't we all?
 %
-"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
+There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
 and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated
 pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving
 them parched for wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you
 stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your
-intelligence."
+intelligence.
 		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
 %
 There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
 		-- Disraeli
 %
-"There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away
-from the sun; there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or someone
-loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor."
+There are three possibilities:
+Pioneer's solar panel has turned away from the sun;
+there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or
+someone loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
 %
 There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
 offered: entertainment, food, and affection.  It is customary to begin
@@ -13675,9 +13617,9 @@ When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
 Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
 		-- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior
 %
-"There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
+There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
 engineers.  While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far
-the more certain."
+the more certain.
 		-- Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800
 %
 There are three schools of magic.  One:  State a tautology, then ring
@@ -13711,14 +13653,14 @@ There are two types of people in this world, good and bad.  The good
 sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
+There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
 make is so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
 other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
-deficiencies."
+deficiencies.
 		-- C. A. R. Hoare
 %
-"There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
-other is to read Pope."
+There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
+other is to read Pope.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 There are two ways to write error-free programs.  Only the third one
@@ -13755,9 +13697,9 @@ tied during the month of April.
 There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
-"There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
+There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
 Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and
-love of the Fatherland."
+love of the Fatherland.
 		-- Adolf Hitler
 %
 There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
@@ -13769,8 +13711,7 @@ There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
 
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a
-vacuum."
+There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
 %
 There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
@@ -13783,16 +13724,14 @@ war hold him in check.  And also the wife who wants him home by five,
 of course.
 		-- Encyclopedia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.
 %
-"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their
-home."
-		-- Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society
+There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
+		-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
 		   Convention, 1977
 %
-There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it
+There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
 		-- G. B. Shaw
 %
-There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast
-reflexes.
+There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
 %
 There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
 %
@@ -13841,8 +13780,7 @@ Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
 	He knew nothing at all,
 And now he's a College Professor.
 %
-"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved
-it."
+There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
 		-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
 %
 There was a plane crash over mid-ocean, and only three survivors were
@@ -13879,17 +13817,12 @@ There was a young poet named Dan,
 Whose poetry never would scan.
 	When told this was so,
 	He said, "Yes, I know.
-%
-There was a young poet named Dan,
-Whose poetry never would scan.
-	When told this was so,
-	He said, "Yes, I know.
 It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
 %
-"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
+There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
 both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
 talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
-during the trial."
+during the trial.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 There were in this country two very large monopolies.  The larger of
@@ -13927,7 +13860,7 @@ There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
 whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
-There's no future in time travel
+There's no future in time travel.
 %
 There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
 		-- Dr. Who
@@ -13941,12 +13874,12 @@ There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
 working for you.
 		-- Will Rodgers
 %
-"There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and dead
-armadillos."
+There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and
+dead armadillos.
 		-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
 %
-"There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
-aggravate."
+There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
+won't aggravate.
 %
 There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
 what it is I'll get married again.
@@ -13966,18 +13899,18 @@ used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
 %
 They also surf who only stand on waves.
 %
-"They make a desert and call it peace."
+They make a desert and call it peace.
 		-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
 %
 They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy".  Foreigners
 always spell better than they pronounce.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
-safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
+They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
+safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
 %
-"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
+They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
 %
 They told me you had proven it		When they discovered our results
 	About a month before.			Their hair began to curl
@@ -13996,8 +13929,7 @@ We quickly turned it into code
 %
 They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
 %
-"They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult
-to like."
+They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult to like.
 		-- Avon
 %
 Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
@@ -14034,16 +13966,14 @@ This fortune is false.
 %
 This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
 %
-"This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
-regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling
-keys ..."
+This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
+regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
 %
-"This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT
-DOG."
+This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG.
 		-- Bob Violence
 %
-"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  If this had been an
-actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?"
+This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  If this had been an
+actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
 %
 This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly,
 because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under
@@ -14069,8 +13999,8 @@ For them to read when they're in trouble
 	And I am not.
 		-- A. E. Housman
 %
-"This is lemma 1.1.  We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back
-to one."
+This is lemma 1.1.  We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back
+to one.
 		-- Prof. Seager, C&O 351
 %
 This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
@@ -14155,8 +14085,8 @@ which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
 paper that were unhappy.
 		-- Douglas Adams
 %
-"This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
-something child-like."
+This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
+something child-like.
 		-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
 %
 This quote is taken from the Diamondback, the University of Maryland
@@ -14183,8 +14113,7 @@ off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant wouldn't have
 a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of Liza Minnelli.
 		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
 %
-This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget
-it.
+This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
 %
 	Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire
 rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better
@@ -14212,7 +14141,7 @@ Those who can't write, write manuals.
 %
 Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
 %
-"Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics."
+Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
 		-- French Proverb
 %
 Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
@@ -14228,8 +14157,8 @@ surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
 %
 Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
 %
-Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
-revolution inevitable.
+Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
+will make violent revolution inevitable.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
 %
 Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are
@@ -14290,7 +14219,7 @@ To be is to do.
 To do is to be.
 		-- A. Sartre
 Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
-		-- F. Flinstone
+		-- F. Flintstone
 %
 "To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
 this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to
@@ -14302,7 +14231,7 @@ call it the target.
 %
 To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
 %
-"To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System"
+To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System
 %
 To err is human, to moo bovine.
 %
@@ -14319,6 +14248,7 @@ To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
 		-- Thomas Edison
 %
 To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
+		-- Robert Heller
 %
 To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
 %
@@ -14328,7 +14258,7 @@ a test load.
 To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
 system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
 inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
-precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel,
+precision and flexibility may be just as dysfunctional in novel,
 uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
 well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
 of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
@@ -14354,33 +14284,33 @@ and drink gin and laugh themselves silly.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Won't It Be Just Great Owning Our Own
 		   Phones?"
 %
-"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
+To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
 %
-"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
+To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
 %
 Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
 %
-Today is the first day of the rest of the mess
+Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
 %
 Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
 %
-Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
+Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
 %
 Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?
 
 And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
+Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
 cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more 
-spectacular adventure starring ... Tippy, the Wonder Dog."
+spectacular adventure starring ... Tippy, the Wonder Dog.
 		-- Bob & Ray
 %
-"Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
-except in major motion pictures."
+Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
+except in major motion pictures.
 		-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
 %
 Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
@@ -14405,6 +14335,24 @@ Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available
 briefcases.
 		-- Governor Jerry Brown
 %
+Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:
+ 10) Specifications are for the weak and timid!
+  9) You question the worthiness of my code?  I should kill you where you stand!
+  8) Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
+  7) What is this talk of 'release'?  Klingons do not make software 'releases'.
+     Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality
+     assurance people in its wake.   
+  6) Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments'
+     - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.   
+  5) Debugging?  Klingons do not debug.  Our software does not coddle the weak.
+  4) A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
+  3) Klingon software does NOT have BUGS.  It has FEATURES, and those features
+     are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.
+  2) You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the
+     original Klingon.   
+  1) Our users will know fear and cower before our software!  Ship it!
+     Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
+%
 Top scientists agree that with the present rate of consumption, the
 earth's supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 24th century.
 As man struggles to discover cheaper alternatives, we need your help.
@@ -14425,11 +14373,10 @@ Follow these simple suggestions:
 %
 Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
 %
-Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
+Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live
 in eucalyptus trees.
 %
-Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant
-intelligence.
+Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
 		-- Henrik Tikkanen
 %
 Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
@@ -14444,8 +14391,7 @@ Truthful, adj.:
 Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
 		-- Charles Schulz
 %
-Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no
-good.
+Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
 %
 Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading:  Was it done,
 is it being done, or is something to be done?  Reports are now written
@@ -14537,8 +14483,8 @@ must pay three silver pieces."
 %
 Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
 %
-"Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
-I forget the second."
+Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
+I forget the second.
 %
 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
 %
@@ -14565,17 +14511,8 @@ Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
 	Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
 hammer or get a splinter in it.
 %
-Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
-	Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
-hammmer or get a splinter in it.
-%
 Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
 just man is also a prison.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
-just man is also in prison.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
 %
 Under deadline pressure for the next week.  If you want something, it
 can wait.  Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic ...
@@ -14709,11 +14646,11 @@ Virtue is its own punishment.
 Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
 from where you left them to where you can't find them.
 %
-Vitamin C deficiency is apauling
+Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
 %
-VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M.
+VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
 %
-Vote anarchist
+Vote anarchist.
 %
 Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
 TAX-DEFERRED!
@@ -14727,7 +14664,7 @@ System going down in 60 seconds
 
 
 %
-"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
+Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
@@ -14743,10 +14680,6 @@ War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
 %
 War is peace.  Freedom is slavery.  Ketchup is a vegetable.
 %
-		WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
-
-Firings will continue until morale improves.
-%
 	WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
 
 Firings will continue until morale improves.
@@ -14797,11 +14730,10 @@ bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say
 socialism?
 		-- Fidel Castro
 %
-"We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
-theorem."
+We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-"We are upping our standards ... so up yours."
+We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
 		-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988.
 %
 We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
@@ -14812,10 +14744,10 @@ We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is
 deceased.  My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
 		-- James E. Day, Postmaster General
 %
-"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
+We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
 		-- Vroomfondel
 %
-"We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company."
+We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company.
 %
 We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a
 fish.
@@ -14826,10 +14758,10 @@ hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
 We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids?
 		-- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
 %
-"We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
+We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
 hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down
 mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on
-our grave singing Haleleuia ..."
+our grave singing Haleleuia ...
 		-- Monty Python
 %
 We have met the enemy, and he is us.
@@ -14838,8 +14770,8 @@ We have met the enemy, and he is us.
 We have only two things to worry about:  That things will never get
 back to normal, and that they already have.
 %
-"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
-hands for masturbation."
+We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
+hands for masturbation.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
 We have the flu.  I don't know if this particular strain has an
@@ -14911,7 +14843,7 @@ poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day.
 We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
 technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
 %
-we will invent new lullabies, new songs, new acts of love,
+We will invent new lullabies, new songs, new acts of love,
 we will cry over things we used to laugh &
 our new wisdom will bring tears to eyes of gentile
 creatures from other planets who were afraid of us till then &
@@ -14924,7 +14856,7 @@ We wish you a Hare Krishna
 And a Sun Myung Moon!
 		-- Maxwell Smart
 %
-"We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later."
+We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
 %
 We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from
 the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging
@@ -14941,8 +14873,7 @@ but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
 		-- Andy Rooney
 %
 Weiler's Law:
-	Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it
-himself.
+	Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
 %
 Weinberg's First Law:
 	Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
@@ -14982,8 +14913,8 @@ or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they
 they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
 		-- President Ronald Reagan, on the MX missile
 %
-"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
-you believe?!"
+Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
+you believe?!
 		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
 %
 Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail,
@@ -15046,9 +14977,9 @@ What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
 %
 What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
 %
-"What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
+What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
 that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our
-country. Nice try anyway, George."
+country. Nice try anyway, George.
 		-- D.J. on KSFO/KYA
 %
 What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
@@ -15076,7 +15007,7 @@ flush one of the toilets.  Perhaps several of them.
 %
 What I tell you three times is true.
 %
-"What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-
+What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-
 sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up
 with a terrifically witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always
 came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at
@@ -15085,7 +15016,7 @@ parties.
 %
 What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
 %
-"What I've done, of course, is total garbage."
+What I've done, of course, is total garbage.
 		-- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
 %
 What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I
@@ -15096,7 +15027,7 @@ What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?  Or what's
 worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
 		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
 %
-What is a magician but a practising theorist?
+What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
 		-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
 %
 What is mind?  No matter.
@@ -15118,11 +15049,11 @@ and the establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
 "I've just GOT to start labeling my software..."
 		-- Bloom County
 %
-"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?"
-		-- Bertold Brecht
+What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
+		-- Berthold Brecht
 %
-"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
-which is the exact opposite."
+What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
+which is the exact opposite.
 		-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
 %
 What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
@@ -15148,9 +15079,6 @@ What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
 %
 What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
 %
-What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent
-bagel.
-%
 What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
 %
 What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
@@ -15177,7 +15105,7 @@ be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed.
 %
 What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
 %
-"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
+What's another word for Thesaurus?
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 	"What's that thing?"
@@ -15186,7 +15114,7 @@ computer repair.  Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what
 it does.  We call it a two-by-four."
 		-- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe"
 %
-"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"
+What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
 Whatever became of eternal truth?
@@ -15201,8 +15129,7 @@ Whatever is not nailed down is mine.  What I can pry loose is not
 nailed down.
 		-- Collis P. Huntingdon
 %
-"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
-cockroaches!"
+Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!
 		-- Mom
 %
 When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the
@@ -15219,18 +15146,17 @@ loop?
 When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is
 not far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space
 travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
-		-- Robert Heinlein
+		-- Robert Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
 %
 When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the
 sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain
 relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
-		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle
-		   Maintenance"
+		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
 %
 When all other means of communication fail, try words.
 %
-"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
-tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"
+When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
+tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
 		-- Reuben Flagg
 %
 When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
@@ -15243,9 +15169,9 @@ think it was a Tuesday.
 When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
 guarantee them.
 %
-"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great
+When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great
 parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if
-I'm leaving."
+I'm leaving.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a
@@ -15265,8 +15191,8 @@ take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come
 and get you."
 		-- Jerry Lewis
 %
-"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
-firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'"
+When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
+firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into
@@ -15293,7 +15219,7 @@ go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
 %
 When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
 %
-"When in doubt, tell the truth."
+When in doubt, tell the truth.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 When in doubt, use brute force.
@@ -15328,7 +15254,7 @@ your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
 When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
 say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
 %
-"When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical"
+When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
 		-- Jon Carroll
 %
 When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you
@@ -15369,12 +15295,12 @@ except our fingertips will have been singed.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
 When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of
-investigation of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand,
+investigation of a topic, it is well to have the answer firmly in hand,
 so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or
 swayed, directly to the goal.
 		-- Amrom Katz
 %
-"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
+When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
 %
 When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
 %
@@ -15387,7 +15313,7 @@ to a definite problem.  For better or worse you have acted decisively.
 	In a way, the next move is up to him.
 		-- R. A. Lafferty
 %
-"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite." 
+When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
 		-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
 %
 When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
@@ -15469,8 +15395,7 @@ keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
 While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
 form of misery.
 %
-While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining
-position.
+While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
 %
 While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their
 correctness never does.
@@ -15508,12 +15433,12 @@ Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
 %
 Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
 %
-"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?  I could
-have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."
+Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?  I could
+have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.
 		-- Ian Shoales
 %
-"Why be a man when you can be a success?"
-		-- Bertold Brecht
+Why be a man when you can be a success?
+		-- Berthold Brecht
 %
 Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we
 have?
@@ -15523,8 +15448,8 @@ Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
 Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
 avoid responsibility with?
 %
-Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office
-automation?
+Why did the Roman Empire collapse?
+What is the Latin for office automation?
 %
 Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
 %
@@ -15557,17 +15482,17 @@ I'd LOVE to, but ...
 	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
 	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
 %
-"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
-because we are not the person involved"
+Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
+because we are not the person involved
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
 %
-"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?"
+Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
-"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
-you knowing nothing?"
+Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
+you knowing nothing?
 		-- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
 %
 Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
@@ -15590,7 +15515,7 @@ You:	"It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"
 Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
 %
-"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
+Why was I born with such contemporaries?
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
@@ -15686,8 +15611,7 @@ should not consider having anything removed.  We hired you as you are,
 and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we
 bargained for.
 %
-Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your
-chairs.
+Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
 %
 World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
 dress code!
@@ -15714,14 +15638,14 @@ year.
 %
 "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
 
-"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat
-		-- Lewis Carrol
+"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
-"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
+Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
 and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
 if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
 and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
-and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
+and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
 %
 Write-Protect Tab, n.:
 	A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
@@ -15738,7 +15662,7 @@ Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
 "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
 the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
 %
-X-rated movies are all alike ... the only thing they leave to the
+X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing they leave to the
 imagination is the plot.
 %
 Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
@@ -15755,14 +15679,14 @@ goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
 their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
 unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
 doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-		-- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
+		-- Stephen C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
 %
 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall
 fear no evil, for I can string six primitive monadic and dyadic
 operators together.
 		-- Steve Higgins
 %
-"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context."
+Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
 %
 Year, n.:
 	A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
@@ -15772,8 +15696,9 @@ Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
 %
 Yes, but which self do you want to be?
 %
-Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.  Tomorrow I'll probably still
-be a dog. Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
+Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.
+Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
+Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
 		-- Snoopy
 %
 Yesterday upon the stair
@@ -15821,7 +15746,7 @@ And yet you incessantly stand on your head --
 	"I feared it might injure the brain;
 But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
 	Why, I do it again and again."
-		-- Lewis Carrol
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
 "You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers
 	That your lectures bore people to death.
@@ -15842,7 +15767,7 @@ Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak --
 	And argued each case with my wife;
 And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
 	Has lasted the rest of my life."
-		-- Lewis Carrol
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
 "You are old," said the youth, "and your programs don't run,
 	And there isn't one language you like;
@@ -15863,7 +15788,7 @@ Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door --
 	"I kept all my limbs very supple
 By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
 	Allow me to sell you a couple?"
-		-- Lewis Carrol
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
 "You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
 	And make errors few people could bear;
@@ -15884,7 +15809,7 @@ Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose --
 	Said his father.  "Don't give yourself airs!
 Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
 	Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"
-		-- Lewis Carrol
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
 You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
 %
@@ -15893,7 +15818,7 @@ You are the only person to ever get this message.
 You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
 this sort of trash.
 %
-You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
+You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
 %
 You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting
 incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail.
@@ -15908,16 +15833,16 @@ pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet.  Be sure to wear
 safety glasses.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
 %
-"You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it 
-doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on."
+You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it 
+doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
 		-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
 %
-You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior
-executive.
+You can create your own opportunities this week.
+Blackmail a senior executive.
 %
-"You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
-Why do you find that funny?"
-		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
+You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
+Why do you find that funny?
+		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
 %
 You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you
 can with just a kind word.
@@ -15946,12 +15871,12 @@ supercomputers.
 %
 You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
 %
-"You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename."
+You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
 		-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
 %
 You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
 %
-"You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?"
+You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
@@ -15959,18 +15884,17 @@ You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
 %
 You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
 %
-"You can't make a program without broken egos."
+You can't make a program without broken egos.
 %
 You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.  You get spastic
 enough worrying about what's happening now.
 		-- Lauren Bacall
 %
-"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."
+You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
 %
-"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they
-don't."
+You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
 		-- Dagwood Bumstead
 %
 You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
@@ -16032,8 +15956,7 @@ You have junk mail.
 You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets
 wrinkled.
 %
-You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot
-today.
+You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.
 %
 You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
 you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
@@ -16083,10 +16006,12 @@ or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume
 party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.
 		-- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
 %
-You might have mail
+You might have mail.
+%
+You might have had mail.
 %
-"You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
-proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do."
+You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
+proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
 %
 You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll
 be dead.
@@ -16147,8 +16072,8 @@ In New York, tip the taxicab driver $40 if he does not mention his
 hemorrhoids.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Stuff of Etiquette"
 %
-"You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a
-plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture"
+You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a
+plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture.
 		-- Business Professor, University of Georgia
 %
 You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
@@ -16216,7 +16141,7 @@ You're not my type.  For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
 %
 You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
 %
-"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."
+You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
 		-- Gary Giddens
 %
 "You've got to think about tomorrow!"
@@ -16260,10 +16185,10 @@ Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
 %
 Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
 %
-"Yow!  Am I having fun yet?"
+Yow!  Am I having fun yet?
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
-YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!"
+YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
 %
 Zero Defects, n.:
 	The result of shutting down a production line.