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Diffstat (limited to 'fortune/datfiles/fortunes')
| -rw-r--r-- | fortune/datfiles/fortunes | 35 |
1 files changed, 11 insertions, 24 deletions
diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes index f84326c8..2f697571 100644 --- a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes +++ b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes @@ -1,7 +1,5 @@ !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH % -!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH -% (1) Alexander the Great was a great general. (2) Great generals are forewarned. (3) Forewarned is forearmed. @@ -256,7 +254,7 @@ A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. A dozen, a gross, and a score, Plus three times the square root of four, Divided by seven, - Plus five time eleven, + Plus five times eleven, Equals nine squared plus zero, no more. % A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a @@ -1538,7 +1536,7 @@ supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley % Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. - -- Publilius Syrus + -- Publius Syrus % Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with none. @@ -2285,18 +2283,6 @@ Burn's Hog Weighing Method: (4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks. -- Robert Burns % - ... But among the children of the Great Society there were -those whose skins were black. And lo! Their portion was niggardly, -and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat ... - Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and -they called him King. And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my -people go to the front of the bus." - But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all -deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass. When ye shall prove -yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like -unto a snowball in Hell." - -- "The Begatting of a President" -% ... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) @@ -3598,7 +3584,7 @@ Electrocution, n.: % Elevators smell different to midgets % -Emersons' Law of Contrariness: +Emerson's Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it. % @@ -4729,9 +4715,9 @@ the morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at night! -- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher % -God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh +God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh. % -God is a polythiest +God is a polytheist. % God is Dead -- Nietzsche @@ -5709,9 +5695,9 @@ of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II." -- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar" % - "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frodo in a quavering -voice. - "No," Said Gandalf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of + "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a +quavering voice. + "No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. They are lines of a verse long known in Elven-lore: @@ -5724,6 +5710,7 @@ Elven-lore: The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing. If broken or busted, it cannot be remade. If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)." + -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings" % " I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is @@ -12452,7 +12439,7 @@ gave up. "But a herring isn't green!" I protested. "Paint it." "But a herring isn't wet." - "If its just painted its still wet." + "If it's just painted it's still wet." "But -- " I sputtered, summoning all my outrage, "-- a herring doesn't whistle!!" "Right, " smiled my father. "I just put that in to make it @@ -16149,7 +16136,7 @@ about 10^12 to 1. % You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. - -- Henrik Ibson + -- Henrik Ibsen % You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from |