diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'fortune/datfiles')
-rw-r--r-- | fortune/datfiles/zippy | 52 | ||||
-rw-r--r-- | fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok | 2 |
2 files changed, 43 insertions, 11 deletions
diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/zippy b/fortune/datfiles/zippy index c9ed1061..fe95f180 100644 --- a/fortune/datfiles/zippy +++ b/fortune/datfiles/zippy @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! +A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAIQUIRI!! % A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! % @@ -9,6 +9,8 @@ with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? % Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! % +Adopt my lifestyle or I'll have to press charges. +% All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... % @@ -48,6 +50,8 @@ MONTALBAN'S HAIR! % Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? % +Are we having fun yet? +% Are we live or on tape? % Are we on STRIKE yet? @@ -111,7 +115,7 @@ LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? % -Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds +Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... % Could I have a drug overdose? @@ -133,7 +137,7 @@ DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? % Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? % -Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running +Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahyde pipeline running straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the dollar! % @@ -193,6 +197,8 @@ for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my gothic solarium!! % +Frivolity is a stern taskmaster. +% FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... % FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! @@ -227,7 +233,7 @@ He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- % He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to -PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING +PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! % HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! @@ -288,7 +294,7 @@ MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA! % -How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL +How many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL SHARPENERS right NOW?? % How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? @@ -317,6 +323,8 @@ I am NOT a nut.... % I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! % +I believe in wash fulfillment. +% I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! % I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! @@ -351,7 +359,7 @@ I feel better about world problems now! % I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! % -I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV ... +I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ... % I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! % @@ -410,6 +418,10 @@ I invented skydiving in 1989! % I joined scientology at a garage sale!! % +I just accepted provolone into my life. +% +I just forgot my Social Security number. +% I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! % I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he @@ -477,6 +489,8 @@ MISAPPREHENSIONS ... I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! % +I think I'm having a mid-week crisis. +% I think my career is ruined! % I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH @@ -484,11 +498,13 @@ RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! % ... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! % +I want a mega-meal in a mega-mall. +% I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! % I want a WESSON OIL lease!! % -I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!! +I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!! % I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!! @@ -554,6 +570,8 @@ SONTAG!! % I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! % +I'm afraid! I need something in a heavy cream sauce. +% I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! % I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! @@ -695,6 +713,8 @@ If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo?? % +If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic. +% In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental Belt," for $10.99!! % @@ -773,7 +793,7 @@ ASHTRAYS ... % Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... % -Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! +Let's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!! % Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! % @@ -803,7 +823,7 @@ Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- % MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! % -MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! +MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! % Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a @@ -822,6 +842,8 @@ My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!! % +My boxer shorts just went on a rampage through a Long Island bowling alley. +% My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!! % @@ -868,6 +890,8 @@ NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! % Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! % +Nobody brings small problems into a laundromat. +% Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... in PAIN!!! % @@ -884,7 +908,7 @@ BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World War II! % -Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of +Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... % @@ -975,11 +999,15 @@ PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! % Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! % +Reality distorts my sense of television. +% RELATIVES!! % Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by prescription!! % +Remote keyless entry, remote keyless entry, remote keyless entry! +% RHAPSODY in Glue! % SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS @@ -1116,6 +1144,8 @@ Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! % TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? % +Treasure your spin cycle. +% Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? % @@ -1135,6 +1165,8 @@ Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! % VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! % +Virtual reality isn't what it used to be. +% Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED! % diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok b/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok index 67c616bc..08a5885b 100644 --- a/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok +++ b/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok @@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Carlsbad Clift Cosell Cupcake -DAQUIRI +DAIQUIRI DELI DIDI DISCO |