Move limericks to limerick file. Sort that and uniq.

1 files changed, 0 insertions, 298 deletions

diff --git a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
index 355934c7..b0f13033 100644
--- a/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
+++ b/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
@@ -2,18 +2,6 @@
 	69 with two fingers up your ass.
 		-- George Carlin
 %
-A bather whose clothing was strewed
-By breezes that left her quite nude,
-	Saw a man come along
-	And, unless I'm quite wrong,
-You expected this line to be lewd.
-%
-A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
-I am not I, I'm a tree."
-	But another, more sane,
-	Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
-And covered his pants leg with pee.
-%
 A bureaucracy is like a septic tank -- all the really big shits float
 to the top.
 %
@@ -35,12 +23,6 @@ A hard man is good to find.
 %
 A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
 %
-A mathematician named Hall
-Has a hexahedronical ball,
-	And the cube of its weight
-	Times his pecker's, plus eight
-Is his phone number -- give him a call.
-%
 A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
 good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious
 scruples and the police.
@@ -58,58 +40,16 @@ A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.
 A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
 called a liberal.
 %
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
-	A curious mole
-	Nosed into her hole --
-Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young maiden from France
-Decided she'd "just take a chance."
-	She let herself go
-	For an hour or so
-And now all her sisters are aunts.
-%
 A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is
 having fun.
 %
 A reactionary is a man whose political opinions always manage to keep
 up with yesterday.
 %
-A remarkable race are the Persians;
-They have such peculiar diversions.
-	They make love the whole day
-	In the usual way
-And save up the nights for perversions.
-%
-A team playing baseball in Dallas
-Called the umpire blind out of malice.
-	While this worthy had fits
-	The team made eight hits
-And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
-%
-A wanton young lady from Wimley
-Reproached for not acting quite primly
-	Said, "Heavens above!
-	I know sex isn't love,
-But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
-%
-A widow who fancied a man some
-Was diddled three times in a hansome.
-	When she clamored for more
-	Her young man became sore
-And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
-%
 A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
 drawers.
 		-- Blind Lemon Pledge
 %
-A worried young man from Stamboul
-Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
-	Said the doctor, a cynic,
-	"Get out of my clinic;
-Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
-%
 A.I. hackers do it with robots.
 %
 Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
@@ -154,12 +94,6 @@ America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room.  Every time it
 wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
 		-- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
 %
-An architect fellow named Yoric
-Could, when feeling euphoric,
-	Display for selection
-	Three kinds of erection --
-Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
-%
 An Army travels on her stomach.
 %
 An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: it gets laid once; it gets
@@ -608,12 +542,6 @@ finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
 %
 He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control.
 %
-He hated to mend, so young Ned
-Called in a cute neighbor instead.
-	Her husband said, "Vi,
-	When you stitched his torn fly,
-Did you have to bite off the thread?"
-%
 He wasn't much of an actor, he wasn't much of a Governor -- Hell, they
 _H_A_D to make him President of the United States.  It's the only job he's
 qualified for!
@@ -704,12 +632,6 @@ I hope he fries in Hell.
 %
 I love this fucking University, and this University loves fucking me.
 %
-I once met a lassie named Ruth
-In a long distance telephone booth.
-	Now I know the perfection
-	Of an ideal connection
-Even if somewhat uncouth.
-%
 I own my own body, but I share.
 %
 I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
@@ -871,12 +793,6 @@ growth of the Laboratories."
 	And the Captain looked down upon the Project, and He saw that
 it was Good!
 %
-In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
-Massaging the bust of his madam,
-	He chuckled with mirth,
-	For he knew that on earth,
-There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
-%
 Incest, n.:
 	Sibling revelry.
 %
@@ -1051,12 +967,6 @@ Ocean, n.:
 	A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
 man -- who has no gills.
 %
-Once a young gay from Khartoum
-Took a lesbian up to his room.
-	They argued all night
-	Over who had the right
-To do what, and with which, and to whom.
-%
 Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
 fly south for the winter.  However, soon after the weather turned cold,
 the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
@@ -1259,30 +1169,6 @@ any reason why they should.  Democrats ought to, but don't.
 %
 Ronald Reagan -- America's favorite placebo
 %
-Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
-"My favorite sport is coitus."
-	But a fullback from State
-	Made her period late,
-And now she has athlete's fetus.
-%
-Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
-Whose virtue was largely a myth,
-	"Try as hard as I can,
-	I can't find a man
-That it's fun to be virtuous with."
-%
-Said Einstein, "I have an equation
-Which to some may seem rabelaisian:
-	Let _V be virginity
-	Approaching infinity;
-Let _P be a constant persuasion;
-
-"Let _V over _P be inverted
-With the square root of _M_u inserted
-	_N times into _V ...
-	The result, Q.E.D.,
-Is a relative!"  Einstein asserted.
-%
 Save Soviet Jewry -- Win Valuable Prizes!!!!
 %
 Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is
@@ -1527,184 +1413,6 @@ There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
 There is a God, but He drinks.
 		-- Blore
 %
-There once was a couple named Kelley,
-Who lived their life belly to belly.
-	Because in their haste
-	They used Library Paste,
-Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
-%
-There once was a feisty young terrier
-Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
-	He'd yip and he'd yap,
-	Then leap up and snap;
-And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
-%
-There once was a freshman named Lin,
-Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
-	A virgin named Joan
-	From a bible belt home,
-Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
-%
-There once was a hacker named Ken
-Who inherited truckloads of Yen
-	So he built him some chicks
-	Of silicon chips
-And hasn't been heard from since then.
-%
-There once was a lady from Exeter,
-So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
-	One was even so brave
-	As to take out and wave
-The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
-%
-There once was a man named Eugene
-Who invented a screwing machine
-	Concave and convex
-	It served either sex
-And it played with itself in between.
-%
-There once was a plumber from Leigh,
-Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
-	Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
-	I think someone's coming!"
-Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
-%
-There once was a queen of Bulgaria
-Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
-	Till a prince from Peru
-	Who came up for a screw
-Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
-%
-There once was a Scot named McAmeter
-With a tool of prodigious diameter.
-	It was not the size
-	That cause such surprise;
-'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
-%
-There was a bluestocking in Florence
-Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
-	Till a Spanish grandee,
-	Got her off with his knee,
-And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
-%
-There was a gay countess of Bray,
-And you may think it odd when I say,
-	That in spite of high station,
-	Rank and education,
-She always spelled cunt with a "k".
-%
-There was a young fellow named Bliss
-Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
-	For even with Venus
-	His recalcitrant penis
-Would never do better than t
-			   h
-			   i
-			   s
-			   .
-%
-There was a young girl from Hong Kong
-Whose cervical cap was a gong.
-	She said with a yell,
-	As a shot rang her bell,
-"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"
-%
-There was a young girl named Sapphire
-Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
-	She said, "It's a sin,
-	But now that it's in,
-Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
-%
-There was a young girl of Angina
-Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
-	From the love-making frock
-	(With the proper sized cock)
-Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
-%
-There was a young girl of Darjeeling
-Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
-	There was never a sound
-	For miles around
-Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
-%
-There was a young lad name of Durcan
-Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
-	His father said, "Durcan!
-	Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
-Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
-%
-There was a young lady from Maine
-Who claimed she had men on her brain.
-	But you knew from the view,
-	As her abdomen grew,
-It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
-%
-There was a young lady named Clair
-Who possessed a magnificent pair;
-	At least so I thought
-	Till I saw one get caught
-On a thorn, and begin losing air.
-%
-There was a young lady named Hall,
-Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
-	The dress caught on fire
-	And burned her entire
-Front page, sporting section, and all.
-%
-There was a young lady named Twiss
-Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
-	For it tickled her bum
-	And caused her to come
-.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
-%
-There was a young lady of Norway
-Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
-	She said to her beau
-	"Just look at me, Joe,
-I think I've discovered one more way."
-%
-There was a young man from Bel-Air
-Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
-	But the banister broke,
-	So he doubled his stroke,
-And finished her off in mid-air.
-%
-There was a young man named Crockett
-Whose balls got caught in a socket.
-	His wife was a bitch,
-	And she threw the switch,
-As Crockett went off like a rocket.
-%
-There was a young man of Cape Horn
-Who wished he had never been born,
-	And he wouldn't have been
-	If his father had seen
-That the end of the rubber was torn.
-%
-There was a young man of St. John's
-Who wanted to bugger the swans.
-	But the loyal hall porter
-	Said, "Pray take my daughter!
-Those birds are reserved for the dons."
-%
-There was a young whore from Kaloo
-Who filled her vagina with glue.
-	She said with a grin,
-	"If they pay to get in,
-They can pay to get out again too!"
-%
-There was an old man of the port
-Whose prick was remarkably short.
-	When he got into bed,
-	The old woman said,
-"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
-%
-There was an old pirate named Bates
-Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
-	He fell on his cutlass,
-	Which rendered him nutless
-And practically useless on dates.
-%
 There were the Scots
 Who kept the Sabbath
 And everything else they could lay their hands on.
@@ -1913,12 +1621,6 @@ would be before she could resume her sex life.  "I really haven't
 thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon.  "You're the first
 patient who's asked me that after a tonsillectomy!"
 %
-While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
-Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
-	She explained, "They are flat,
-	But think nothing of that --
-You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
-%
 White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
 so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall.  That way, by the
 time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.